A Story
1.
“I'm 100 next month.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“.....You don't believe me.”
“No. I don't.”
“I'm a Light One, remember? My ability saves me from old age.”
“That's an incredible ability.”
“We're usually better at maintaining our health anyway.”
“Even with those?”
The smoke unfurled between them and she smirked thinly, as if she had forgotten how.
“This is for my mental health,” she said, “Just like you are.”
“Am I?”
“Mm. Why else would I be here?”
“I don't know.”
They remained silent for a few more moments, sitting across from each other in their worn wooden chairs. The woman had bold eyes. Glinting, they looked up from beneath dusted eyelashes, staring across seductively, knowingly, mockingly. In the light of her cigarette, thick, auburn hair curled around those eyes like dancing flames, fierce and fiery in the dark. She was beautiful. Despite her words, it was a beauty of youth.
“Well,” she said suddenly, putting out her cigarette, “That's enough talk for today.”
She stood up. After a brief glance, she turned away and walked over to the fireplace. “Thanks for listening,” she said to him over her shoulder.
“It was interesting.”
He stood up as well, tracking her movements into the light of the flickering fire.
“Come here,” she said, her voice as soft as the night. Without hesitation, he did, moving warily until his wan figure was bathed in the orange glow of the fire. He stood before her, his pale, gray eyes as dull as they always were.
She ran a hand through his hair. “How old are you?” she asked.
He paused.
“Do you want to talk more, Ms. Red?” he murmured. She stiffened at his answer, stopping her hand as she looked over again at his blank expression, his empty eyes. Sighing, she slowly trailed her fingers down to his face, feeling the warmth that existed there, before removing them completely.
“Nevermind, then.”
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Scream.
Was she still screaming?
She had stumbled to the floor, the sun burning her eyes.
Right. The sun. She couldn't be awake, this couldn't be real.
Yes. yes. no. No. NO.
“Reyna...” the girl was saying. Reyna looked at her, at the red.
“Help...me...”
She couldn't. She was a fluke, a broken thing. The Light One who could not heal.
“Please...”
The girl was crying. Her friend was crying. Her friend was dying.
“I don't want to die,” she said.
“No,” Reyna whispered, “No, you won't die, Peiya, you're with me. You're with me, Peiya.”
“I don't want to die.”
“Peiya...”
“REYNA!”
There were hands; on her shoulders, on her face, on her arms.
“Reyna! Look at me! Look at me!”
Reyna focused on the blurry little face in front of her, though she wanted to sit forever in that place and think of nothing and nothing and nothing.
“Fey...” she said, barely aware of what she was saying.
“Reyna,” the face said back to her, “Hey, you're okay. You listening to me, Reyna? Look at me. You're okay. You have to get out of here, though, okay? Those Dark Ones haven't been caught yet. Okay, Reyna?”
Reyna looked at her, at those wide brown eyes and pinched little face. “I'm...” Reyna whispered.
“Reyna-”
“Where's Peiya?” she said suddenly, clutching at Fey, at anything. “Fey, she's okay, right? Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?”
“Reyna, we need to go home -”
“WHERE IS PEIYA, FEY?” Someone was screaming, someone was crying... “Where is she?! Fey, tell me where she is...”
“You can't see her, Reyna, not right now – ”
“I need to see her, I-I need to see Peiya! Where is Peiya?! Please...”
“Later, Reyna! Later! After we get home, come on – ”
Reyna was pulled to her feet, stumbling, but she couldn't walk. No, she needed to see Peiya. She had to, she had to, she had to, she had to-
“Reyna, come on, you're not safe here – ”
“Fey,” she said, “Peiya...Where's Peiya? Let me see Peiya, I-I need to see, I-” Reyna looked at her hands, but they were so, so red.
“Reyna, please.”
But she was shaking her head; this couldn't be real. This wasn't real. She couldn't be Reyna. She didn't want to be Reyna.
“Reyna -”
“I can't,” she was saying. “No more. No more.”
And suddenly the red flashes by her sides were nothing more than blinding sunlight, the buildings simply blurs of strange shapes, the people only ghosts, and the world was just a passing dream.
It had been a quiet day. The studying students were, for once, absent, and the cold had shunned everyone else. Only the soft clacking of some computers, the stifled coughs of some people, and the gently turning pages of some books could be heard as the world outside sheathed itself with winter's first snow. Slowly, the day passed by into darkness, with the night illuminated by white brightness; yet the calm, dusty air of the library remained unchanged from morning to night.
That was how he liked it.
The young, scrawny boy thought this as he tried to fall back asleep, sitting curled into one of the library's comfy chairs. He had ragged, bitten nails clutching a ragged, ripped coat. It was thin but large, so that only a puff of the boy's black hair peeked out from underneath.
Eventually, a disembodied voice came over the intercom.
“...The time is now 9 PM and the library is now closed. Please return all books or proceed to the front counter for checkout. Thank you for choosing Poshick Library and we wish you a wonderful evening.”
A sigh escaped the coat. It moved to reveal the boy blinking blearily in the light, his skinny nose scrunched up in protest, and his small mouth pulled into a scowl. He sighed again before beginning the arduous process of extricating himself from the chair. Too soon, he was outside the doors of sanctuary, and the usual bitter mutterings filled the air.
It was still snowing, which could have been beautiful.
The boy started walking. Melted snow ran down his face like tears, trickling past his eyes, his nose, and his lips. His shoes were soaked and his coat was painfully thin. The cold pierced through them like blades, and soon enough, all but his wooden feet was racking with violent shivers. But the boy could do nothing more than grit his teeth as he trudged on.
Suddenly, however, despite the cold, despite the snow, he stopped. The wind brushed back his sopping hair to reveal pale, gray eyes staring blindly into the night.
“What do you want?” said the boy quietly.
He heard a distant grunt of annoyance before a voice answered back from the gloom. “Cocky brat,” it said. The snow crunched with heavy footsteps as he came closer. “Taking a stroll out at night like you own the whole fucking world. What do I want? Fuck that, I'm here to kill you, Leonardo.”
“Mittens,” said the boy, by way of greeting. “Huh. You're still alive then? Wouldn't have expected it of you, but congratulations.”
Mittens. Of course it was Mittens.
“Don't call me - !” Mittens exclaimed, now only feet away. But Leo had already attacked. The tendrils of shadow gathered immediately in his hands, requiring no more than a split second's command. They formed the familiar blades, cool but weightless as he rushed forward to stab at the body before him. But they sliced clean through air. Stumbling, Leo managed to curse before a dense force smashed against his head, knocking him to the ground. His head pounded from the hit and the fierce rush of blood in his ears, and he lost Mittens to the sensation. Suddenly, he heard the unmistakable whistle of rapid movement, and by mere instinct Leo rolled over to the opposite side, feeling more than hearing the mass of shadow, weapons of the enemy, crush into the pavement behind him. His body pulsing with adrenaline, Leo stumbled to his feet, searching wildly for the cursed man. Mittens appeared in that instant as if out of nowhere, and he lost no time in sending Leo a wave of black shadows morphed ridiculously into the shape of mittens. Leo slashed viciously through the ones he could and attempted to avoid the ones he couldn't, all the while moving slowly towards Mittens himself. Leo was struck, was felled, more times than he could count, but the relative weakness behind Mittens' mittens kept him just a whisper away from death. Every now and then, Leo was able close in on Mittens, dealing severe damage with his wild yet controlled desperation, and in this pattern gradually, they each lost themselves in time, in blood, and in pain.
Leo found himself in some parking lot near the final moments, covered in blood and bruises. His breaths were heavy in his ears, and he felt unreal, floating in the face of death. It seemed as if the moon had run off, leaving the two to their fate and thick, unyielding darkness.
That was how he liked it.
Mittens stood before him, broken and bleeding.
He could kill him, Leo thought. He could kill him.
Leo heard him spit blood. Suddenly, he spoke. “You fucking piece of shit,” Mittens said, “You – why?! They're DEAD, you fucker! They're dead and you don't even give a fucking - but I know - fuck, they didn't – you're not fucking human – we dug you up – and that girl – damn the world, it should've been you! YOU! - So fucking DIE already!”
With those words, Mittens rushed at him, shouting and screaming and crying, but in a split-second's thoughtless, decision, it was all over.
His black blade sunk deep into the chest, so that Leo could feel blood run, dripping, over his hand.
Choking sounds overhead, dying words. His last curse, his last tears.
The body fell to the floor, and all the mittens dispersed into darkness with the sound.
Leo released his own shadow weapons, staring at his feet. He stood still, breathing heavily, ready to collapse. But there was blood seeping from the body, blood splattered across the floor, blood soaking through his shoes, blood staining the air, blood blanketing the world like snow. He didn't want to touch it. He couldn't.
Not unless he wanted to be the one screaming.
He stumbled past the dead Mittens, trying to ignore the soft squish of blood flowing over his toes, telling himself it was anything but. After an eternity of staggering and, eventually, crawling, he gulped in the clean air like water before collapsing in the snow. His body shivered uncontrollably with cold as his muscles shook violently with exhaustion, but he knew none of this.
All he knew were the screams, the bullets, the bodies dropping to the floor, gazing and innumerable...he knew paralyzing fear, his and others, and he knew the stench that filled his head and made him gag...he clutched his head against this, he commanded himself not to scream, but he couldn't, of course he couldn't....
A hand grabbed his arm and he reacted instantly. Shaping a blade of night, he plunged it into the person beside him, forcing them to the ground so that he faced –
no.
no
no this
couldn't be happening
no go away she's not
here stop
stop this isn't real she's not here she's not
“Leo,” she said, her face as pale as the runaway moon. “What are you doing?”
Her blue eyes bright and small face leering; clear, so clear, before his eyes as they always were.
as nothing else ever was
“N-Nina...” he croaked, frozen. Her small hand rested on his blood-stained face.
“Poor Leo, you almost look like them.”
“Go away,” he whispered, “Please – go away.”
She licked off his blood from her hand, but her skin was sloughing off at the same time
at the
as if her tongue was made not from flesh but a million knives...
“No...Nina...”
“You're so mean, Leo,” she said, showing him her bleeding hands, “Did you forget already? I'm a part of you.”
“No...you're not...you're...not you're not you're not- ”
“You're so mean,” she repeated, reaching out her arms to either hug him or choke him, “You don't deserve to live...”
“ – NOT! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE – !”
so die already
2.
“Who's Nina?”
“What.”
“Just now, you were...talking. In your sleep.”
“I-I was?”
“Mm.”
“I'm sorry I fell asleep.”
“You looked like you needed it.”
“How long have I been here?”
“It's been a couple of hours.”
“...I should go.”
“Stay.”
“Ms. Red, they'll be looking for me.”
“They know where you are.”
“Won't you have people looking for you?”
“They don't exist when I'm here.”
“Ms. Red – ”
“Just come here and tell me a little bit about yourself, no lies. Then I'll let you go.”
He hesitated.
“I would never lie to you, Ms. Red.”
“I know.”
There was a small silence as they lay there, breathing.
“I was born in an underground village. … I lived there until I was five.”
“Is that why you can't see well?”
“Yes. We used the shadows for seeing, not our eyes.”
“You know, my sister tried to explain that to me once. We were just kids then. I got so angry because I couldn't understand, and then she got angry...it was pathetic.”
“...Your sister?”
“Yes, my blood sister. Rare, but it does happen from time to time.”
“Your sister was a Dark One.”
“My entire family was...but we were talking about you. How can you see without eyes?”
“...I can't really explain it.”
“Do it anyway.”
“....You know the feeling you have when there's someone near you in the dar- light?”
“Yes.”
“For me...it's like that but...I don't feel; I know. I can see anything in the shadows...like your cigarette. I can see the smoke coming off of it like I can see that chair. I can see your lips, your eyes, your fingers, anything.”
She smiled. “That's amazing.”
“I'm glad it pleases you, Ms. Red.”
She ran her thumb over his chapped lips, imagining her fingers as five long shadows.
“So...what happened? You said you lived in that village only until you were five.”
“I left and traveled with friends. Then I ended up here.”
“The end?”
“The end.”
“...Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure, Ms. Red.”
Everything looked white; piercingly white. She had run, disoriented, for what felt like miles before she collapsed with exhaustion. The world spun in fantastical ways and Reyna couldn't tell sky from earth anymore. All she knew was the heat of the day and the warmth of the dirt between her fingers as she sobbed, gasped, and screamed.
Eventually, someone heard her.
Ice water splashed over her face like a slap, and Reyna started as if she'd been electrocuted. Blinking rapidly, she looked up at the shadow that hovered over her.
“Who are you?” said the shadow in the rough tones of a man.
“I don't- I don't know,” Reyna answered hoarsely.
She could see him furrow his brows.
“Are you a Dark One?” he asked.
Reyna closed her eyes. Now that- that she knew for sure.
“No,” she said.
He woke up, as quickly and suddenly as if someone had smacked him across the head with a sledgehammer. It almost felt like someone had, except not only did his head pierce through with pain but so did his every nerve, fiber, and bone. He tried to sit up, but his body screamed its protest, and he fell back immediately.
“I'm glad you're awake, Leonardo, but please try to lie still,” said a soothing voice overhead.
Leo could make out no other feature except for that voice – the voice of the Light One – in the blinding brightness of the room. His body quickly coiled, ready to pounce, but then he paused. The Light One had known his name.
“Who are you?” Leo croaked out.
“My name is Ferdan, but you can call me Fred. I've been healing you for the past hour. Luckily, you're out of any immediate danger, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait a little longer until you're completely healed. Now, please stay still.”
“But who – ?”
“Stay still, Leo.”
Leo froze, his heart racing. The world was white, the brilliance piercing his mind and eyes like daggers. The sheets under his back were wrong, too soft. The Light One's hands were oddly smooth, but they burned as they healed. He had no idea what was going on.
But he could have recognized that voice anywhere.
“Will?” he breathed.
“I'm here, Leo.”
A million emotions rushed in at once, and it was an effort to stay still. Leo wanted to jump up, punch someone, cry, hug him, laugh, and yell. Most of all, he wanted to see Will.
Leo said nothing, but did as he was told as the Light One continued to labor over his body. Aches and pains slowly disappeared with the warm and searing glow of a brilliant light. Although Leo desperately wished to fall back into unconsciousness, that burning light kept him wide awake, leaving him tired, bored, and increasingly anxious.
After an unbearably long stretch of hours, the Light One finally stopped his hands. “Done!” he said, before dropping into a chair with exhaustion. Leo sat up experimentally and took deep, clean breaths.
“How are you feeling?” he heard Will ask. Leo immediately opened his mouth to answer, but, catching himself, he addressed himself instead the blurred shadow he hoped was the Light One.
“Thank you, Fred,” he said.
The room seemed to freeze, and there was a long pause. Leo shifted slightly on the bed, uncomfortable under the undoubtedly scrutinizing gazes of both the Light and Dark Ones before him. Finally, Fred broke the silence. “You're very welcome, Leonardo,” he said.
Leo heard him get up. “Make sure he takes plenty of rest, Will,” he said briskly, suddenly business-like, “A Light One can only do so much. He has to drink plenty of water, and he can't exert himself too much over the next couple of weeks. Try to keep him fed as well, but not anything too heavy if you can manage it. And Leonardo...” The Light One paused before him, the wavering shadow unreadable in the light. “Don't be afraid to ask for me anytime you need a healer,” he said, almost warmly. “I'll be taking my leave. Have a good evening.”
“See you.”
“Good bye, Fred.”
The door shut and Leo got a sudden, prickling awareness from the fact that they were now alone. No one had turned the lights back off. Slightly unnerved by the blindness, Leo stood up from the bed, not knowing where the lights were but refusing to ask Will to do it for him.
“Are you really feeling okay?” Will said suddenly. Leo could imagine his expression as he said it; that worried one that had always kept him alive.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “Of course I am.” He immediately stumbled into a table, and he cursed inwardly as he tried to hide the sharp, prickling sensations from the impact. Will said nothing, but a second later, the lights had turned off. Although Leo could have sighed with relief at his sudden ability to see, he was inexplicably annoyed that Will had not laughed at him, or made some stupid comment; that he had chosen to act like something other than a friend.
“Leo,” he said, “What – ?”
“It's none of your business,” Leo snapped. He sat down on the couch placed beside the table he had run into, his whole body tingling as if the Light One had made his skin come alive.
Will remained where he was, leaning against the wall opposite Leo. They lapsed into an uncomfortably long silence, as if they did not already have a year's worth of it between them. Eventually, Will spoke, very, very quietly.
“Did you kill someone, Leo?”
Leo's head shot up as if Will had shouted the question. His heart pounded with guilt, and an inexplicable betrayal, but at the same time, he felt he could have laughed with relief.
“How did you know?” he demanded.
Will stared at him, his face carved of stone.“It was a lot of blood,” he said simply.
Slightly nauseous, Leo pulled his knees up onto the couch, hugging them as he tried to block out the sudden flood of images from that night.
“I had to,” he whispered.
“I believe you,” Will replied.
Will left the wall and came closer, sitting down beside him. Leo was suddenly aware that his hands were shaking. He thought about stilling them, but then found that he didn't care.
“Who was it?” Will asked.
“...Mittens.”
“Of course it was Mittens,” he said, his mouth curling up ruefully.
Leo's lips twitched, though he felt more like crying. “Of course.”
“Don't be so hard on yourself,” Will said, “Mittens went to kill. You can't be blamed for defending yourself.”
Leo said nothing to that. He wanted to contradict him for some reason, but at the same time he did not want him to be wrong. They each stared off into the darkness, lost in their own thoughts. After a pause, Will spoke up again, his voice suddenly hard. “But why didn't you tell him?”
“Tell him what?”
Will's eyes narrowed, but just so much that only he could tell. “You know what,” he said. “I was the one who caused the ambush, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Then why didn't you tell him?”
Leo tried scoffing, but only came up with something like a weak cough. “Like he would've believed me,” he said.
Will gave him a puzzled look. “You could've tried. You haven't even grown accustomed to killing yet. I'm surprised that that was your first instinct.”
Leo felt a hard knot of disgust twist sickeningly in his stomach as Will said this. He was right. Telling Mittens was most obvious thing to have done, but now that he thought about it, he was painfully aware that the idea had never even crossed his mind. Not when Mittens had attacked him, not when he had attacked Mittens...not when he had killed Mittens. His first instinct...guilt surged over him anew, but this time like a blunt force, nauseating, painful, and cruel.
“I dunno why I did it, Will,” Leo said, his voice shaking, “I don't. What's wrong with me? I should've- you're right, I should've told him, but I-I...I don't know, he- Mittens was talking, and I felt...like he was right. That they died...because of me...”
Will took his hands, and it was warm, familiar. “Leo, look at me,” he said, “You know that isn't true. I chose to save you and only you. That's on me, not you.”
Leo looked at him. Will's eyes were clear and true, just like they had always been. But then why did his words feel like nothing more than blatant lies? Leo shook his head.
“I killed Mittens,” he said, “Don't say I'm innocent.”
“I didn't,” said Will, “I'm saying that – ”
“I should've known.”
Will's hands twitched, but he kept silent at the interruption. “I hung around with you the most,” Leo continued, “I should've known you were a scrounger. It was so obvious. I should've told everyone, or Oscar at least, and then everyone would've known, and no one would be...”
“Oscar knew, Leo,” Will said quietly, “So did Selena.”
Leo looked around at him sharply. “What?”
“Stop being dense,” Will chided, though it had none of his usual bite. “Of course they knew. We all, Oscar especially, used the money I earned for food and shelter all the time. There was no way they wouldn't question my sources, and I had to tell them eventually. After that, I also gave them information to help us move to safer areas, learn about which Dark Ones we could and couldn't trust, where we could find Healers. They were fully aware of what I was, so you knowing wouldn't have made a difference either way. It was my fault for being careless. There's nothing you could have done.”
Leo's eyes burned. Rendered speechless by his words, he could barely get himself to speak.
“But...then why do I still feel so guilty?” he choked out. “Why am I the only one alive?”
“You're making no sense,” Will replied bluntly. “Being alive doesn't make you guilty, you know that.”
Leo smiled grimly. “I don't deserve to live...”
“Leo,” Will cut in sharply. His hands tightened painfully around Leo's, and he found himself grateful for it. “I'm the one who killed those Dark Ones' friend. They came after me because I was the stupid one who got his identity known. You were just the one unfortunate enough to be my friend at the time.”
Will's eyes were fierce, almost something other than lifeless, and it clawed at his heart to see it. Leo forced out a hollow laugh. “We all were, really.”
Will pulled up a matching smile. “Right.”
After a short pause, Leo cleared his throat, taking his hands out of Will's. “H-How'd you find me, anyway?” he said, looking away.
Will blinked, then retracted his hands. “There wasn't really a how,” he said slowly, “I just found you. I was walking around, and then all of a sudden, I saw someone yelling and thrashing around in the snow. I went over to see if I could help...and it was you.”
“So you just...found me? Just like that?” Leo asked, bewildered.
“Yeah.”
“What were you doing there?”
Will hesitated. After a long pause, he sighed. Will looked directly at him as he answered.
“Being a scrounger,” he said.
Leo's mind went immediately numb, and his body cold. He opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. “Of-of course,” he finally managed to choke out. What else had he expected?
“Look, Leo...”
“That reminds me, can I leave now?” Leo said abruptly, moving his legs back off the couch, “This place stinks of trash, you know.”
Will's eyes narrowed infinitesimally. “Don't be stupid,” he said, “Yeah, you're at headquarters for collectors. Scroungers. Whatever. You're also supposed to rest. There's no better place for you to do that than here.”
“Then what?” Leo said sharply, refusing to look at Will, “I kill some Dark Ones when I'm all better? Or you do it for me?”
“Leo...” Will started hesitantly, then he continued in a rush, “I'd rather take on some targets than lose you, Leo, you – ”
“What?” Leo interrupted. He turned to glare at Will. “I don't get it, Will. How can you keep on doing this? You're helping them kill us! Someday they'll kill you too!”
“You don't know that,” Will interrupted cautiously.
“Or you'll get yourself killed!” Leo shouted, jabbing his finger at him. “ And-and you act like they're protecting you or something, but this- being a scrounger made everyone dead!” Leo threw up his hands before placing them, shaking, on the couch. He sighed wearily. “I told you, Will. A year ago, I told you to stop, and I know I left, but I thought you listened. It's not right, it's twisted, it's...how can you...I don't understand. I'll never understand. Will...” he trailed off, staring at Will's pleading eyes.
Awkwardly, Leo stood up, looking away. “I need to leave.”
“You need to rest – ”
“I can rest somewhere else.”
“Where?” Will said forcefully, standing as well. “On the streets? In the woods? At a darkden? Where?”
“I can take care of myself,” Leo replied, glaring at him.
“Evidently you can't.”
Leo breathed out sharply. “You killed my family,” he said, his stomach twisting with nausea as the words came out.“You have no right to say that to me.”
“I don't care if I have the right. It's the truth, Leo. You're too – ”
“Don't say I'm too young,” Leo cut in, scowling. He could feel the shadows forming blades in his hands, and he tried in vain to calm himself. Will undoubtedly noticed this as well, but he gave as much attention to it as Leo did. It probably never occurred to him that Leo could harm him.
Ha.
“Look, Leo, the only reason that I do what I do is so that I can make sure that the people I care about are safe,” Will said, “I know, it's not foolproof, but nothing is. How much longer were we able to survive because I had money to buy us food and shelter? How much longer were we all able to live because I had information about Dark and Light Ones in the area? I know, they died because of me. But they were also able to survive because of me. Do I feel guilty? Yes. But am I going to stop doing this? No. I still need this. You still need it.”
“No,” Leo said, his hands clenched almost painfully from the effort of keeping himself somewhat calmed. “I don't. I don't need any of this. I was on my own for over a year before Mittens fucked everything up, and even then I protected myself. I don't need you.”
“You would've died if I hadn't been there!” Will said exasperatedly.
“Then you should've just let me die!” Leo shouted, “You should've let me die! I deserve it! Why do you only know how to do the wrong things and save the wrong people?”
“As long as I'm saving someone.”
“You're a murderer,” Leo whispered, “People like us need to die.”
“Maybe you haven't realized this yet, but Dark Ones kill each other all the time,” said Will, his voice firm, “The only difference is I get paid for it.”
Leo shook his head. “It's not right,” he repeated, “They didn't deserve to die.”
“That doesn't change the fact of what happened. All we can do, Leo, is accept it, and learn from it, but most of all, move on.”
“Then let me move on,” Leo said quietly. “Let me go.”
Will said nothing.
Leo scoffed at his hesitation, finally able to manage it. “I get it now,” he said, “I doesn't matter what I say, right? You just want me to stay. What else do you have now, anyway, now that everybody's dead.”
“That's not – ” Will started, reaching towards him.
Leo flinched at the gesture, backing up into the wall behind him, but Will grabbed his arm anyway. “Listen to me!” he said, taking Leo's other arm as well.
Leo yelled, struggling. “Let me go!”
“No!” Will shouted, his voice booming. “Listen to me, Leo! What happened was an inevitability; it was going to happen one way or the other. Stop!” he yelled, easily sweeping away the tendril of shadow that Leo had tried to build with his own. Will placed his face inches from Leo's, his eyes wide and fierce, but...inhuman.
“It was inevitable,” he repeated, “I don't regret all the protection that I'd been able to give everyone up till that point because it allowed us to have a life. We were able to live long enough to love like family, Leo. I just want to make sure that you don't lose that now that they're gone. You don't want to know what that's like.”
“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Leo said venomously. “Let me go.”
“You've been surrounded by us ever since you were a child! You don't know a damn thing about what it's really like out there!”
“Did you forget?!” Leo shouted, “I lived for an entire YEAR without you!”
“What? And you think a single fucking year is the same as the rest of your life?!”
“I don't know!” he spat, “Let me go!”
“No!” Will yelled, “You're going to rest here even if I have to knock you out and chain you to this room!” He slammed Leo against the wall, struggling to keep him in place.
“Then do it!” Leo shouted back, “I don't want to see your stupid face for another fucking second!”
“Fine! I will!” he said.
“Fine!”
“I'm serious!”
“So am I!”
“I'll do it!”
“Then do it al– !”
3.
“It's been a long time since I've seen your face.”
“I'm sorry, Ms. Red.”
“It's not your fault. I heard they've been keeping you busy.”
“It's their job.”
“I guess it is. That doesn't mean I have to dislike it any less.”
“You do as you please.”
“You're implying that I have that kind of power?”
“Yes.”
“You assume too much.”
“I don't mean to offend.”
“No, I say it because you amuse.”
“You think what I said is ironic?”
“Yes.”
“I don't think it is.”
“...I've always wondered something.”
“What?”
“Promise me you won't take offense.”
“Of course not, Ms. Red.”
“What do you feel when you kill your own people?”
“.... I don't know. I haven't considered it in a long time.”
“Well, consider it now.”
“I did. And I don't know.”
“Do you-do you feel sad? Like you had ripped away the one place where you were meant to be? Do you feel guilty? Like you had betrayed the trust of thousands of men, women, and children? Do you feel regretful? Like you would have been happier with that other, more normal path in life? Do you look back in life and think that it had been a waste, a toxic kind of waste to the lives of so many others, but in a way that had allowed happiness – however twisted it is – to enter that one life, your life, so that you feel guilty again, but in a different sort of way? Do you feel selfish, thinking that, but almost happy too? Do you...ha, do you know?”
He waited, allowing her to take a pull on her shaking cigarette.
“What I feel, Reyna...I don't know what I feel, and I don't want to know. Because my life is a waste...but who would want to acknowledge something like that?
“But you accept it?”
“It's all I've ever known.”
“So you do know.”
“Yeah...I do.”
It was a brilliant summer's day. The towering trees of her childhood had long since been mowed down, and now sparkling rays of sunlight took their place.
The world seemed desperately empty. The sounds of chattering birds and, more importantly, of chattering people were achingly absent; present only as gaping holes in this wide, deadened forest. She missed the city: the sounds, the smells, the life. Maybe they would rebuild there in the future, replacing the city of shadows with another city of shimmering lights.
She would like that.
Every now and then, she would come across some evidence of the long lost world. Someone's taxi license, a child's stuffed doll, fragments of pots, a rotted skeleton. She moved on from them like a ghost, ignoring their mundane stories.
Eventually, she came to a stop before a low cave coated in green. She stood, trembling.
“Who's there?” said a voice. Reyna opened her mouth as if to respond, but no sound came out. She closed it.
A woman came out of the cave. She had a beautiful face pinched and pale with fear, but her hands were steady on a notched blade. Upon seeing Reyna, however, the woman instantly dropped it.
“Reyna!” she said, tears forming in her wide brown eyes.
“Fey,” Reyna managed to choke out. They stood still, each facing the other, waiting for someone to speak. “You're wearing your glasses,” Reyna blurted out. Fey touched them hesitantly, as if to remind herself that they were still there. “So are you,” she said back.
“I – yeah.”
They lapsed back into silence. They knew that neither wanted to speak and that neither wanted to listen. But they had no choice.
“It's over, isn't it?” said Fey, her voice empty and fierce. Reyna wanted to say no, it's not over, that they still had a chance. She wanted to say yes, it's finally over, that her kind could now freely roam the world. She wanted to say yes, she'll always love her. She wanted to say no, she could never love her.
She wanted to say, please, just let it all end.
“It-it's over, Fey,” she said, still trembling, “We – the Light Ones took Igred. They've won. It's...all over.”
Fey dropped to her knees, her eyes dead. “We...lost?”
Reyna didn't answer.
Her sister did nothing, simply staring through her ridiculous glasses as if she could see something Reyna didn't. “What will happen to us now?” Fey suddenly whispered, still staring.
Reyna had dreaded this question, but her sister had always known how to stab straight into the heart of things. “I don't know,” she said. She couldn't give her the truth.
Fey's gaze turned sharply towards her, quick and sudden and painful. “You're lying.”
“No,” Reyna replied weakly, “I...” but she couldn't. She just couldn't.
“They're doing it, aren't they?” said Fey, her eyes pained but dry, “I've heard the rumors, Reyna. They...they're gonna kill us. All of us.”
“...Yes.”
There was a silence as Fey's fingers gripped the grass beneath her.
“Reyna,” she said, and she sounded bare, weak. “Mother...was wounded a few weeks before. It-it doesn't look good. We tried all we could, but it's not like we're Light Ones. Do you know anyone that would help us? I know it's a risk, especially now, but we need – ”
“Fey,” Reyna interrupted, and she stopped immediately. She looked wary.
“I came to say goodbye,” Reyna continued, willing her eyes to stare into Fey's as her words finally spilled out. “You know I left home for a reason. We won. The Light Ones won. We're finally free, Fey, and I chose to be a part of that. I can't...be a part of...this anymore. I...can't kill you. Or Mother. But I won't do this anymore.”
“'This'?” Fey repeated, the word warped with scorn. Her pleading eyes had crystallized, piercing her with a cold stare. “Let's get something straight. You think you're being brave right now? As brave as when you left this place to go join the Light rebels? You're deluding yourself. You're running away! You're running away from what's right: from your duty as a sister, as a daughter, even as a human being and that doesn't make you brave. That makes you a coward!”
“I'm not!” she shouted, torn with anger at her sister, at herself. “I want to be with you, Fey, I do. I want to help you and forget about everything, and just live like we used to! But I can't. I've killed and torn myself apart for this new world! For our freedom! I can't abandon that. I can't abandon my kind to hide with you in some lost corner of the world. I'll let you go...but that's as much as I can do. I'm not trying to be brave or trying to justify anything, Fey, I'm protecting my own. I've seen so many people die before my eyes, at my hands...I've chosen, I've chosen a long time ago. I'm on my side, you're on yours, and that's it. That's it.”
Fey simply sat there, her eyes flecks of ice.
“You...” she finally said. Her voice shook. “I'm not asking you to run away with us or anything. I'm not stupid. But – if you could find us a healer, just this once, Reyna, please – !”
“I can't. I can't get involved. If I give in now – ”
“THEN WHY DID YOU COME HERE?!” Fey screamed out, beside herself. She stood up and looked ready to take up her sword again as her hands shook with fury, bits of grass falling out. “YOU'RE LYING TO YOURSELF! YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE THAT CAN'T EVEN JUSTIFY HERSELF WITH A DECENT EXCUSE! IF YOU'RE GONNA KILL US THEN KILL US!”
Then Fey did take the sword. Reyna reached instinctively for the gun hidden in her clothes, her mouth dry and her breath gone, but the sword ended up not slicing through air but thudding down by her own feet. “DO IT!” Fey shouted, her eyes shining with tears.
Reyna could barely breathe. Her eyes didn't seem to be working properly, or her ears. All she saw was that battered sword, red with Fey's fury, and nothing but its metallic ring could pierce her ears. Other people had started emerging from the cave, undoubtedly drawn out by Fey's voice, and each looked wary, terrified; each held some kind of weapon. She couldn't move.
“DO IT!” Fey repeated, the tears now dripping down her face, “Take that damn sword or help Mother!”
“You can find a healer anywhere else! You don't need me!” Reyna shouted back. Desperately? She didn't know.
“Are you fucking with me right now?!” Fey screamed, her voice thundering in her ears like the groans of the dead.
Then she heard something worse.
“Don't move!”
Reyna whipped her head around to see at least ten horribly familiar faces behind her, each owner holding either a drawn gun or a wickedly sharp blade. “Reyna!” one of them said, filling her with cold dread, “Are you all right?!”
“I-I'm fine,” she answered. And then she knew.
Too late, with a horrible, sickening realization, she knew.
She was a coward.
The room had been pitch dark and empty for hours. Leo could tell only by the gnawing in his stomach that it might have even been longer than that. He didn't have the energy, however, to try and navigate the maze-like labyrinth of his current hellhole. Not without Will.
Where is he? Leo kept on thinking. Is he dead?
For some reason, a month had passed since Leo had arrived at the scrounger's nest – headquarters – and he was still there. Leo couldn't fathom his own reasoning, though he might have guessed that Will had something to do with it.
After all, how could one so easily abandon family?
Is he though? he would think.
How could family kill family?
Of course, he had killed Mittens. He supposed it was possible, then.
Will did have a point, anyway. What would he do outside of these walls, other than starve and possibly freeze over?
He was a child. A coward. Nothing more.
Leo sat there in the bed he had first woken up in, feeling the chill of an assassin's indifference. It followed him everywhere, in that place.
How much better was he? Murderer...and worse...
Of course, he had to leave at some point. Will's crimes could not be forgiven.
But what had they been again?
He didn't know...didn't know...all he knew was the comfort that he had lacked for over a year, along with the company of a human being. Of Will.
Of scroungers, traitors, assassins...really, his own kind...
And how bad were they, really, in comparison to him, and what he'd done in his short thirteen years of life?
Short, but unbearably long...
Insufferable. Unbearable. What did Will know of that pain? Was the world really so far gone that he could be called naive?
He will never know...How could you tell? You've made sure that your gravest sin would be buried with you...only I know...only I can see what you really are...
Leo buried his head into his knees. “What am I, Nina?” he whispered.
Monster. Beast. Horror.
“And human,” he said, “I'm still human.”
You abandoned that a long time ago. Even if you were human, you'd be nothing more than the scum of man.
“Shut up.”
You know this.
“Then you don't have to remind me.”
Why do you stay here, then, when every minute reminds you?
“I need to stay for Will. He needs me.”
He's gone. How long has it been? How many days? He's gone...dead...leaving you all alone.
“No,” Leo whispered. “The-the Light Ones will heal him – ”
It's your fault. If you hadn't stayed...
“He begged me to! I didn't have a choice!”
You always have a choice. You chose our life over his.
“He wanted me to stay...”
When you saw him, he was nothing more than a walking corpse, holding onto you out of habit. You were the one that ignored this, took advantage of it.
“No!”
Then why did you stay, Leo?
“I...”
You're a parasite who knows only how to feed off of others...and now...now Will is as much of a human as you are.
“He's alive. He has to be.”
Don't be a fool. Do we not know the dead?
Leo looked over at the empty, unnaturally clean room, at the stone cold meal on the dining table. It was unfeeling, filled only with the chilling silence that surrounded a grave. It seemed as if no one had ever lived there, it seemed as if it had not been meant for the living in the first place. Leo felt like a ghost, stuck in some demented piece of hell.
Suddenly, he had the mad urge to take the dust-covered knife from the table, that lifeless dining table. He had the magnetic desire to drive the thing clear through his mind. Through Nina. It would be so simple. Just a few seconds and he'd be rid of this forever...and what would it hurt, really, if he was already dead?
His arms dropped from his knees. She was screaming, but he didn't care enough to pay attention. He didn't care about anything anymore.
His leg came off the bed and the other followed. Just as he was about to stand, however, reason suddenly made it's way back into his screaming mind.
What was he doing? he thought.
He could make his own knives.
Immediately, a blade had formed in his hand, and he stared at it, at the sleek shadow, as blood pounded out his thoughts and Nina's shrieking voice.
It would be all over...the empty room, the cold, the waves of black guilt...
And he would see them again...all of them...
He would see Will...
In one swift motion, he drew the blade towards his eye.
In that moment, he could have been smiling, laughing, he could have been happy, listening as wails as distant as life rang through an unrecognizable mind; wails that could have been either her savage cries or his own broken screams.
4.
“What do you think life would've been like, if I had been born as a Dark One, and you a Light One?”
“Why?”
“I think about it sometimes. I was born into a Dark One family, remember? As a child, I asked myself that question just about every day. I used to go to sleep at the break of dawn, wishing that somehow I'd wake up and miraculously turn into a Dark One.”
“That's hard to believe.”
“It's been almost a century now. A lot has changed. But, ha...has it really been that long...”
“Yet you look as lovely as ever, Ms. Red.”
“I suppose I should thank you. But I'm tired...or maybe I've been tired, and I've just been noticing. Is it strange to see me now, knowing that I looked exactly the same almost a hundred years ago? It must be...even I can barely look at myself in a mirror anymore...it reminds me of everyone – everyone that has already left me, traveling down this path that's inaccessible to me. Leaving only my vices to keep me company.”
“We live to serve, Ms. Red.”
“...Ha. Ha ha ha. And for that I'm grateful. … And you?”
“What about me?”
“Don't you ever wish you were a Light One?”
“No.”
“Really? Never?”
“No, I wish....I wish for the things I've lost...”
“And? What would you do if you had them again?”
“...What would you do, Ms. Red?”
“Me? … I would go on my knees, and I would beg for forgiveness.”
“What would that solve?”
“Too many things.”
“...”
“I would hold onto them and ask them to spend their eternity here with me, instead of in a place where I can't reach them. I'd ask them when it'll finally be my turn. When they'll finally be able to accept me again...”
“I could kill you, Ms. Red, if that's truly what you want.”
“Ha. Thank you for the kind offer, but this world still needs me. How would I ever be able to face them again, if I simply left this world we'd worked so hard to build?”
“I'm sorry, Ms. Red. That was thoughtless of me.”
“You were serious, weren't you?”
“...Partly.”
“You're kinder than you give yourself credit for.”
“Thank you, Ms. Red.”
“It wasn't a compliment.”
“I'm still grateful.”
“Tell me, can you feel that anymore? Gratefulness? I see none of it in your eyes.”
“I don't hold anything in my eyes.”
“Right. Yes, I forgot. We just seem too alike sometimes, you and I.”
“I can't say I feel the same, Ms. Red.”
“No? No...you wouldn't, would you. I was the thoughtless one that time, it seems.”
“If you say so, Ms. Red.”
“Yes. I do.”
The night air had never smelled so sweet. The celebration had lasted all day, and it showed. Cans of cheap beer littered the grassy floor along with abandoned sparklers and the people that had finally passed out. The distant sounds of families chasing the twinkling fireflies joined the cacophony of cricket songs, kids continued to chase after each other in the dark, and drunken adults were either snoring through the night or laughing and singing by the fire. Reyna sat by herself at one of the long-abandoned buffet tables, sipping one of the remaining beer cans. Her tears had long since dried, but her magnified eyes were still pink and puffy, as if she hadn't slept in years.
She lifted the can up to her lips, but nothing came out. She brought it back down with a sigh.
“No pot of gold at the end of the beer can?”
Reyna looked around as he sat down next to her, smiling his radiant smile. She blushed, immensely glad for the darkness.
“That was lame,” she said.
He chuckled and handed her another one. She accepted it gratefully.
“Yeah, I guess it was.”
He sat there quietly as she sipped the warm beer, each listening to the distant sounds of the ongoing celebrations.
“They sound so happy,” he said suddenly, breaking the silence. Reyna looked over at him in surprise and laughed a little.
“Well, of course,” she said, “I don't know if you've heard the news yet, but we've just won a war.”
She saw him smile in the light of the moon.
“Then why do you still look so sad?” he asked too softly, too gently.
She wished he hadn't. He was the last person she wanted to talk about it with...and the one she wanted to talk about it with the most.
“Is it that obvious?” she said with a weak chuckle.
He said nothing, waiting.
Reyna remained silent for a few more moments, nursing her drink.
Finally, she put it down, sighing. “I saw my family die today,” she answered quietly, “I don't know if that's really something to celebrate.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It was my fault,” she said quickly, “You're not the one that should be sorry.”
He squeezed her hand. “But you know,” he said, “We're your family too. If you're happy, I'm happy; if you're sad, I'm sad; and if you're sorry, then that means I'm sorry too.”
Reyna allowed a small, sad smile and said, “Is that what family means?”
“Don't you know?”
She shook her head.
“Not really, no.”
“I guess no one does, really,” he said, leaning back but bringing her closer at the same time. “I just feel it. Ever since the first time you punched me in the face, we've been tied together this way, you know?”
Reyna laughed. “You were such an ass back then,” she said. Then she sighed, looking over at his warm green eyes.
“But yeah...I think I know what you mean.”
He leaned his head on her shoulder, and his smell – fresh, earthy, and clean – was the only thing in the world.
“So stop looking depressed as hell, okay?” he said confidently, poking her ribs, “Because we're always here, making sure you crack a smile every now and then.”
Reyna smiled at that, unable to help herself. “I'll try,” she said.
“You better.”
They fell back into a comfortable silence as the laughing, singing, and snoring continued to make up the calm of the night; every Light One filling their lungs with the air of freedom and their eyes with the light of the shining moon and shimmering stars. These Light Ones joked and danced with friends, with family, with lovers; they shared drinks with strangers and swapped stories by the fire; they comforted each other, they hugged each other, they smiled with each other; finally able to do all of it, for once, without a care in the world.
The two of them sat within that new world, basking in its infinite possibility just like everyone else, and for the first time that night, that day, that year, that lifetime...the sky was lifted from Reyna's shoulders and she was in peace.
Leo looked over at that immobile figure, not yet a corpse, not yet alive. Will lay there on the white bed, haunted, as if the years of worry and guilt had finally escaped those hidden recesses of his mind and had plastered themselves onto his young face. No...no one would have been able to describe that face as young anymore.
Leo sat in the guest chair, and for how long he'd been there, he neither knew nor cared. Will's coarse hand was in his own, though he wished he could do more. He wished he was a Light One.
“I'm sorry,” he said suddenly. “If it wasn't for me...”
He trailed off. There was too much to name. At a loss, Leo put his head down by Will's side, hiding his tears.
“I'm so sorry.”
After several seconds, however, he sat back up and hastily wiped his face.
“I'm going away now,” he said, his voice tremulous but clear, “You won't see me again, Will. I still haven't forgiven you...and you should never forgive me. But, I'm...I'm going to miss you. I know I missed you when I left last time. You don't know how happy I was to see you again. Even though...you know. I just – I hope you stop doing all of this. You're too good to be a scrounger...l-look how broken you are. … You need to live, I know she's wrong...you're stronger than that, I know it. I- … I'm gonna miss you. I'm really gonna miss you.”
With this, Leo stood up, letting go of Will's limp hand. He shouldered his backpack and walked briskly over to the door, determined not to give a backwards glance.
He opened the door, closed it. He didn't look back.
Outside, he let out a shaky sigh, trying to focus for once on the white of the hallway.
“Leonardo.”
Leo jumped, but then immediately calmed as he recognized the voice. “Fred,” he said, trying to hide his annoyance. “What are you doing here?”
Leo thought he heard the smallest of sighs. “You weren't in your room,” he said, “So I figured this was the only other place you'd be.”
Leo struggled not to scowl. “Well,” he said, “You were right.”
“You're still thinking of going, I see,” Fred responded, his voice weary.
Leo sighed. “Look,” he said, “I...I'm grateful for what you've done for me. Really. If it weren't for you, I'd be even blinder than I'm right now.” Leo chuckled weakly, which Fred did not reciprocate. Clearing his throat, he went on, “Thanks. Really. But I can't take this anymore. If you're worried about me, then thanks, but I don't need it. If you're worried that letting me go will get you into trouble, then I'm sorry. But I have to go. … Just...when he wakes up, tell him...I said goodbye. And I...I- Just- goodbye. Tell him...goodbye. Please.”
“Leonardo – ”
But he didn't wait for any kind of promise. He hadn't expected one. Leo simply ran from him, tracing the path he had marked out carefully in the past week, flying through the hidden entrance, fleeing into the night.
The darkness cloaked him like an old friend, and he breathed in the free night air. Despite everything, he found himself smiling as the tears rolled down his face, as his chest threatened to disappear into oblivion. No, he was laughing. Sobbing.
And he didn't look back.
5.
“Have you ever loved anyone?”
“...Have you, Ms. Red?”
“Unfortunately.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It's not something you could've helped.”
“It's a pain that I can understand.”
“...I never would've wished that on anyone.”
“There are worse things.”
“Is there really? I would ask, but I don't want to know. I wonder if you really know yourself.”
The smoke unfurled in the air, casting its wild shapes. “It's a terribly cold pain, loneliness.”
“...”
“You understand, don't you? But, it's different, here with you...you- you are nothing to me, yet at the same time, I'm always drawn back here, to this place, to you. And then...in that moment, when I see you, your empty eyes, I can't help but feel like you belong to me in some way.”
“Reyna...”
“What can you say? I already know the truth...but of course, you know it's not the truth that I need.”
“Ms. Red...all that I am, is yours.”
“...If I asked, would you die for me?”
“Of course.”
“Would you kill for me?”
“Of course.”
“Would you love me?”
“Of course.”
“Would you say it?”
“Say...what?”
“Say that you love me.”
“Of course, Ms. Red. I love you.”
“Ha...it hurts. I didn't think it would hurt. Look at me. Say it again.”
“I love you, Ms. Red.”
“Say...it again.”
“I love you.”
“...I love you, too.”
They lay there in the unnatural, yet calming dark. They lay as two lovers who had passed together many nights and many days, but there was a heaviness in the air. They lay awake, not talking, only holding on to the dark.
Suddenly, she broke the silence.
“What are you thinking?” Reyna whispered.
“I don't know,” he said, smiling, “I'm trying not to think. Just live in the moment, you know.”
She looked up at him, feeling broken yet whole.
“Yeah.”His arms were warm around her, and she tried to focus on that, on only that. However, the idea of tomorrow left a relentless chill. He seemed to notice this, and he tightened his hold on her as if that would stem the flow of time.
“It'll be okay,” he said, and she knew he was still smiling, for her sake. “We'll still see each other. Anyway, we'll both be so busy fixing up this damn world that it'll feel like we're back together in no time.”
Reyna stared down, away, staring off into the dark. “Do you really think we can do it?” she asked quietly.
“Yes,” he answered. There was no hesitation in his voice.
She did not ask him how he could be so sure, how he could not cringe away at the certainty in his words. Instead, she smiled.
“As much as I would like to believe so, Vince, we're not like you,” Reyna said, her voice still soft.
“Did I say you were?” He looked down at her, clasping her calloused hands in his own. “Reyna, we're each our own person. All of us, Dark and Light Ones, we're individuals with feelings and opinions and dreams. You know that. That's why we're here, paving the way for a kind of world that can recognize something as simple as that. We've all worked so hard and for so long in order to even allow us a chance at this, and we couldn't have gotten to this point without each other. I trust everyone. I trust you.”
“But they won't,” she said, almost sullenly. He opened his mouth to object, but she cut him off. “Even you were antagonized against me, Vince, remember? The Varius family carries a heavy terror still, and as their last remaining descendant – ”
“You're a Light One, Reyna,” he interrupted firmly. “Not a Varius.”
Reyna tried not to flinch. Those words held an awful, familiar, ring of finality.
“For someone who's been in that position before,” Vince continued, either oblivious to or ignoring her reaction, “You should trust me on this. They'll trust you. Not at first, and not easily, but they will. You'll win them over. You will because you're you.”
But I'm no one.
She didn't say this. Instead, she said, “But how long will that take? How long will it be until I can leave – until either of us can leave? How long will it be until we can to see each other again?”
“If one of us takes too long, then we can just visit the other,” he responded amiably.
“I don't – ” she started, then choked on her words. Sighing, she tried again. “I don't,” she said, “want us to meet again, years from now, and then see that you've grown white hairs or something while I'm...I'm still like this.”
He laughed. “Reyna, that's every man's dream.”
She shot him a glare. “I'm serious, Vince,” she said.
“So am I.”
Sighing, she said, “But – ”
“Nothing's going to change, Reyna,” Vince said, drawing her even closer, rubbing her hands. “It doesn't matter where you're from, or how many years go by, or what world we end up in. You're you and I'm me. I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll keep on loving you in the years to come.” One of his hands left hers to caress her cheek, and she leaned into his touch.
“Some things just aren't meant to change,” he said gently.
“Sadly,” she sighed, “This world isn't one of them.”
“The day will come when it won't need to change,” Vince replied, his voice hard with firm belief, moving her as it had moved so many others all those years ago.
“And on that day...”
Kissing the top of her head, he intertwined their fingers, his smile tender, warm, and hers.
“...I'll never let go of you again.”
Dark. So dark. He could hear breathing...his own breathing. He could hear screams...not his screams. Or her screams. Just their screams, echoing above him as he lay trapped in the darkness.
What was going on? Why could he feel their presences disappearing, why did he hear these anguished cries and these vicious yells of fury? What was going on...why couldn't he move, why was he crying, why couldn't he help them....He was scared, so scared. The screams went on, piercing his head and his chest like millions of invisible blades, and they wouldn't stop...the dying wouldn't stop....
Leo's eyes flew open. He lay on the floor, heaving with terror, damp with tears and sweat.
A dream. Another dream.
Leo lay silent as he waited for his racing heart to calm down. Sighing, he sat up and placed his head on his knees, feeling exhausted down to his very bones.
A dream...if only it had been just a dream.
“You okay?”
He swallowed hard, his throat dry. “Yeah...Did I wake you?”
“No.”
She shifted on her bed. Bright moonlit filtered in through the window, no doubt illuminating the room with a soft glow. Nevertheless, he could see her gazing at him from above. She held out her hand.
“Here,” she said.
He smiled, the gesture itself enough to calm him. “I'm fine now,” he said, “Thanks. How come you couldn't sleep?”
She retracted her hand as she answered him softly, “I wanted to be there when you woke up.”
He couldn't help the dopey grin that spread across his face. He sincerely hoped it was dark enough that she couldn't see.
“Don't be stupid,” he said, hiding his face, “You have school tomorrow. You're gonna be exhausted.”
She snorted. “Like I care about that.”
“I care.”
She said nothing, simply sighing as she rolled onto her back.
After four minutes of solid silence he couldn't hold it back anymore.
“Are you sleeping?”
There was a small pause. “Yes.”
He smiled again.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I don't want to tell you.”
He paused before smirking into the darkness. “Shit, even with Light Ones, huh?”
“What?”
“You know,” he said, trying for a nonchalantly accusing tone, “Dirty thoughts. Perverts. Don't try to act all innocent, Lex.”
He heard her small scoff. “I'm not going to take that one lying down, Leonardo.”
“You just did, Alexandria.”
She snorted before rolling back around to face him. “Fair point,” she said, “I guess I have no choice then?”
“Nope.”
“You won't like it...”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely.”
She took a deep breath.
“It's about Nina.”
Silence.
“You've been eavesdropping,” he finally managed to say, the words dropping like hollowed ice in the space between them.
“I can't really help it,” she said.
“Is that why you stay awake every night?” he said bitterly, “So you can hear me bawl in my sleep?”
“No. It's because I like talking to you.”
“...Then don't talk about her.”
She slid out of the bed and sat down next to him. Her hand reached up to cradle his face, and he immediately felt his muscles, tense from the mention of Nina, loosening with a deep calm.
“You're not playing fair,” he said, smiling.
“The world's not fair, Leo.”
He sighed. “Lex, you could get me so relaxed that I turn to jelly, but I still won't tell you about her.”
“...Was she your girlfriend?”
“Lex...”
“Well, was she?”
“Why do you say 'was'?” he retorted. He had meant to say this sharply, but instead he heard the words warped in the tone of dreamy curiosity.
“It's – I could tell.”
He held her pleading gaze for a few seconds. “...No,” he muttered reluctantly, looking away.
“No what?”
“No, she wasn't my girlfriend.”
“Just a friend?”
“No.”
“A friend of a friend?”
“No.”
“Your sister?”
He blinked, still feeling the cold sweat even under Lex's influence.
“I'll take that as a yes.”
“No,” he murmured. “She wasn't my sister.”
“Leo – ”
“I just can't tell you, Lex. I'm sorry. Really.”
She made a frustrated noise, glaring at him. Her hand abruptly left him, leaving him terribly cold and annoyed.
“Why can't you tell me?”
“I don't want you to know,” he said sharply, actually achieving it this time.
“Then that's not can't, that's won't.”
Leo sighed at her words, feeling drained from his recent dream and the sudden lack of Lex's touch. He turned away from her as he grabbed the blanket that lay abandoned by his side. “Save your teacher-talk for the morning and go to sleep,” he said, irritated.
“Don't tell me what to do.”
“Don't tell me what to do.”
She threw her hands up, leaning against the bed. “Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have asked.”
“Then why did you?”
Suddenly, she laughed, the noise grudgingly lifting his mood. He turned to face her, only slightly glaring. “What?”
“Well,” she said, giggling, “It's just that you totally don't know this was all your fault. You're so stupid.”
“My – ?”
Then she hugged him, and he was momentarily silenced.
“So just tell me on your own time, yeah? Leonardo?”
He really hated it when she said his name like that, like no one else existed in the world but them.
“Yeah,” he breathed.
All at once, he realized their closeness. He was hyper-aware of where her skin touched his skin, of her gentle breath at his ear, of her heart beating with his. It was warm and familiar yet new and paralyzing. She drew back, but hesitated, her lips so close he could smell the slight tang of her bad breath.
Like he cared.
“Leo – ”
He kissed her, soft, at first, as hesitant as she'd been, but then she responded so instantly and fervently that he soon abandoned all caution as well.
He pushed her to the floor, still warm from when he'd been asleep, and she felt him smile against his lips. After several seconds, she pushed him back slightly. He stopped and raised his head. “What?” he said, panting.
She was breathing heavily as well, still smiling. “On the bed,” she said, “I don't want to do it on the floor.”
He froze. “On the–on the bed?”
“Um, yeah. It doesn't, uh, creak or anything, so we're fine.”
“Right,” he said, feeling stupid. “Right.”
She hesitated. “You...want to do it, right? That's why...”
“I-I don't know,” he said, feeling vaguely stupid. “I wasn't thinking.”
She giggled again and sat up.
“We don't have to if you don't want to.”
He flushed, sitting up as well. “It's just...I've never...”
“You're a virgin?” she said, sounding surprised.
Leo felt himself flush even deeper, and he spluttered out, “Yeah, of course! I've never even...”
“Never even what, Leonardo?”
“I've never even...” he bit his lip but still managed to smile. “You know...kissed anyone.”
Lex let out a shaky laugh. “Oh no. No way.”
“Um...yeah.”
There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other in the small, moonlit room. Then suddenly they were laughing, louder than they should've been, but they couldn't have cared less. They just laughed, because it was all ridiculous: the room, the bed, each other, even the tears streaming down their faces. He had a stitch in his side, she could barely breathe, but neither of them could hold back their ear-splitting smiles.
They eventually found themselves back where they had started: her breathing on the bed and him lying on the floor, each smiling their dopey smiles.
“Leo?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I love you.”
“...Leo?”
“Yeah.”
“I love you.”
“...Lex.”
“Mm...”
“I love you too.”
6.
“How old are you again?”
“That's not fair, Ms. Red. I'm drunk.”
“The world's not fair. You won't tell me?”
“What-what did you say?”
“Tell me how old you are.”
“I...don't know. How old do you think I am?”
“You're so young, I can't tell.”
“I shouldn't be drunk...if they give me a job right now...”
“How dutiful you are. Don't worry, you're with me.”
“But you're with me.”
“Love conquers all.”
“Love...”
“You don't agree?”
“Why would I? … I'm sorry, Ms. Red. I – ”
“You don't have to be sorry. It's a rare treat to see you so honest.”
“I never lie, Ms. Red.”
“And neither do I.”
“Reyna...”
“Yes?”
“Could you – could you just hold me, like this? Just for...a little bit...”
“You don't have to be that convincing.”
“...sorry. I'm sorry. Ms. Red. I...I'm being rude. I didn't mean to...”
“...Here. Come here.”
“Ms. Red – ”
“Please.”
“ … ”
“Don't cry...it's okay...I'm here...”
“I'm sorry...”
“I'm here.”
It was difficult, even now, to face the light of the world. Due to this, Reyna kept odd times of waking and sleeping, something that her son had never ceased to question. But what could she say, really? That she had lived in a world completely different from his own, one filled with never-ending darkness in place of light? Would he believe her?
Looking now at the gray dawn, streaked with swirling pinks and searing yellows, she could hardly believe it herself.
“Mom,” said the boy by her side. He swung the bench slightly, smiling his wide child's grin.
“Yes, Izaia?” Reyna said, smiling herself.
“Have you ever seen a Dark One?”
Reyna looked down at him curiously.
“Why?”
“What do you mean 'why'?”
She laughed lightly. Looking up, she answered, “I don't know. But, yes. I've seen a Dark One before.”
“What do they look like?”
“They...” she trailed off, thinking. Finally, she said, “They look like us.”
Izaia cocked his head thoughtfully, his soft green eyes puzzled. “Jamie told me they look like vampires,” he said, “That they're white as ghosts, and that they're so skinny that they're invisible. He said they have fangs too, but I know they don't have fangs.”
“You're a smart boy, Izaia,” she said, chuckling, “No, they don't have fangs. They have something even more dangerous.”
“Everybody knows that, Mom,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“I don't think I like your attitude,” Reyna chided back, gently enough to let him know she wasn't truly angry.
He pouted anyway. “But it's true,” he said.
Chuckling again, Reyna took him in her arms. The chill of night lingered with his mention of Dark Ones, and she felt, somehow, that she could protect him in this way. By providing warmth and light.
Because that was what this new era was supposed to be about, was it not? The freedom for everyone to bask in light and love?
But the world held a heaviness, different from when it had been cloaked in darkness, but unnerving all the same. It held suffering, debasement, corpses of innocents...those horrors of the old world that they had meant to end. In this new world of light, these callous words were supposed to have disappeared, bringing an unrecognizable, brighter future.
Meant to. Supposed to.
Thinking this in the gray of the rising dawn, Reyna felt that familiar tiredness; the one that pressed into her chest, stinging her eyes.
“Yes,” she found herself muttering to Izaia. “I know.”
He still wondered. As he sat in the bright sunshine of her room, Leo still dreamed and wondered about Will. Was he alive? If so, had he stopped being a scrounger? Leo found himself half-wishing, sometimes, that he hadn't.
Because then Leo could be reassured that Will was still surviving, in some way. Then Leo could hope that they might meet again, just like the last time.
Leo often imagined what they would say to each other, if they ever did happen to meet again. He was sure they would apologize to each other. Or, at least, that Leo would apologize to him. “I'm sorry I left,” he would say, “But I don't know what I would've done if you'd never woken up.”
If Will was still a scrounger, Leo would make sure he quit this time. He would drag him out of the whole thing; literally, if he had to. Leo would also brag about the three years he had managed to live without Will's help. Will would go on about how young and naive Leo was, rolling his eyes as he said “three years”, while trying to conceal the pride in his eyes. But Leo would see. He would know.
Leo often found himself smiling in these moments – a small twist of the lips touched by melancholy. That melancholy would then rise to glitter in his eyes as thoughts of Will traced back into the dark corners of his mind, never failing to stir far away memories. As they lingered, they filled his mouth with the bitter taste of wild mystery soup, and they echoed back to him epic stories of monsters and heroes. They reminded him of laughter deep enough to reach the soul, and they touched memories of warm hands wiping away never-ending tears. They revived within him songs in the chill of dawn, the sweetness of apples after hunger, the richness of beer after thirst, and the pure warmth of fire in the midst of winter wind.
Leo would often bury his head in his knees then, like he did now, hoping that Lex would come home soon to smooth away the fist in his chest, to wash away the thoughts of despair for the future and the tender torment of the past.
Just then, keys started jangling just beyond the door and Leo looked up hopefully, listening as it opened to invite her in.
“How was school today?” he asked, smiling.
The door closed noisily behind her, and Lex blindly threw her bag onto the floor as she sighed.
“That bad?”
He heard her flop onto the squeaky armchair opposite him and sigh again. “No, it's just school,” she said, “No matter what happens, it wears you out.”
Resting his head against the wall, he untangled his hands. “It almost sounds like you're giving up, Lex,” he teased.
Snorting, she said, “You've got it the other way around, Leo.”
“What – ?”
“Anyway!” she interrupted, and the chair creaked as she bounced off of it. He could almost see her radiant smile. “I feel like some fresh air today. Do you wanna join me?”
Leo rolled his eyes at her. “Go enjoy getting burnt to a crisp by yourself,” he said wearily, hugging his knees again.
Lex walked over to sit by him, and he could feel her shroud of calm like a tangible force. Touching his arm, she said, “It's too nice a day to go out by myself, Leo.”
“What, are you gonna put me to sleep and drag me out?” he said, failing to sigh as he would have liked. With the steady stream of her lightness now crawling into him, it was near impossible to feel true annoyance.
“I got it under control,” she said.
He could hear that mischievous smile.
After a short pause, he finally gave up and gave her his own.
“Fine,” he said, trying, and failing, to sound irritated. “Have it your way.”
She let out a triumphant laugh and pulled him up to his feet.
“You won't regret it, I promise,” she said loudly, dragging him over to the door.
Yeah right, he thought.
The door opened, and for the first time, Leo found himself on the other side at its close. He had a vague view of a hallway in the late afternoon shadows, and he remembered the first time he had traveled down this short yet richly carpeted place, Lex's grip firm on his wrist. He had had the same thought then as he did now.
Light Ones.
Not allowing him even one second's worth of reprieve, Lex quickly guided him down a flight of stairs, on which he stumbled more often than he thought normal. Then in just a few strides, he was out the doors.
Leo gasped. The air felt different – freer, and although he would never have thought it possible, he suddenly found that he had actually missed the warmth of real sunshine beaming on his skin. Leo could not help the smile that spread across his face as he felt this, and Lex's laughter rang out beside him. “See?” she said, “What did I tell you.”
She led him down some more steps, his arm linked with hers. After the initial rush of fresh air, wariness eventually begin to creep up, tensing at the sheer openness of the day-lit outdoors. He became intensely aware of the fact that he was a Dark One amidst a horde of Light Ones. Of course, he had been in the same situation for nearly two months now, but before this moment it had always been within the safety of Lex's room.
Leo waited anxiously for the suspicious whispers, the crawling feel of glares, the shouts of accusation that he was sure could only be seconds away. Then officials would be called, he would be carried away for execution – Lex for questioning....if some Dark One wasn't hidden in the midst of this sunny school town and had not already noticed him, had not already reported his existence and sold the information off to hungry scroungers –
Lex took his hand. Immediately, Leo lost his train of thought as the tension that had been slowly gathering in his body abruptly and completely left him. Leo didn't comment, but gently squeezed her hand in gratitude.
“So nothing happened at school today?” he asked, smiling now.
Swinging their hands, she replied, “We had another stupid assembly today, so not much learning was done. One teacher did try to give us a pop quiz, which was so unfair that half the class refused to take it. I mean, it's common courtesy, right? 'School assembly' is just one way to say 'no school'. Teachers are obligated by the laws of manners not to teach us anything at all.”
“So you didn't take the test,” Leo summed up.
“Of course not!” Lex exclaimed, “The day common courtesy goes out the window is the day all hope for humanity is lost, Leonardo! It's good that so many people sided with me though, or she wouldn't have rescheduled the quiz for tomorrow.”
“That's stupid,” Leo said, “If you guys know when it is, it's not a pop quiz.”
“I know, this is one of those exceptions I told you about, Leo,” she said giggling, “Teachers are too proud to strip the holy title of 'pop' from a quiz even though it clearly doesn't deserve the name.”
Leo found himself giggling with her, though he stopped abruptly once he realized. “You know,” he said, trying to cover up his reaction, “I'd never have guessed that this was what school was actually like.”
“It's not so bad,” she said softly, “For some people.”
“Back then,” Leo mused, “I didn't know anything about it. It's not like anyone had ever actually went. I'd only heard that it was something that every Light One did, so, you know, of course I wondered what it was like. Some people thought it was for brainwashing...to train Light children to kill Dark Ones or something.” He snorted softly.
“Well, it makes sense, don't it?” said the dark, hulking man as he patiently licked the grease off of his fingers. “Why else do you think those damned Light Ones are so fucking crazy?”
“Because they have the Mad Clowns ruling over them,” Leo piped up, rolling his eyes.”Duh.”
“Yeah,” said Mittens from his left, “What more brainwashing do those motherfuckers need?”
Selena laughed before the man, Rob, could retort. “Well this is new. You and Leo are of the same mind, for once.”
“I'm nothing like Mittens,” Leo said immediately, scowling.
“Don't call me Mittens!”
“Then think up something new to throw at people,” Leo sneered.
“I don't know about killing, but we do learn a lot about Dark Ones,” Lex replied thoughtfully. “We could join forces and become collectors.” Leo could feel the sly glance she cast him as she said those words.
He wouldn't bite. “Nothing in this world could make me become a scrounger,” Leo said.
“Well, only a select few Light Ones know how to fight,” Will cut in calmly, completely ignoring Leo and Mittens. “Since their specialty is healing. I think that invalidates your theory, Rob.”
Rob spat at him. “Don't go smart-mouthing me, boy. You don't know shit.”
Leo disengaged from his ongoing argument with Mittens to round on Rob. “Well, you're a shoe-shining beggar!” he shouted, standing up, “Why should Will know anything about pieces of shit like you?”
Rob shot up lightening-fast, towering over Leo. “What you say to me, boy?!” he boomed.
“What,” Leo sneered, refusing to back down, “The nice Light Ones never taught you how to speak English? Or are you just that stupid?”
“That's a shame,” Lex replied, sighing. “We could've been the perfect team.”
“Stop it,” Leo said sharply, his tone harsh for being under her influence. “Don't joke about stuff like that, Lex.”
A pulse of warmth went through him, and he relaxed as she said, “Sorry, Leo. I just wanted to know if you'd been brooding about Will again.”
“I know,” he said automatically, smiling now, “I know. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just get scared sometimes, when you want to talk about stuff like that. It's not something someone like you should know, you know? I don't want you to know. But you're right, I was thinking about Will, which is scary, cuz how could you know something like that?”
“Relax,” Oscar interrupted sharply, standing up as well to place a steady hand on Rob. “He's just a kid. He didn't mean it.”
Leo opened his mouth angrily to say that, oh yes, he had meant it, but Will took his hand, pulling him back. Leo turned back to look at him, furious that he wouldn't defend himself, but Will just gave him a sharp glare. No.
“He called me a fucking shoe-shiner, for fuck's sake!” Rob yelled, though he did nothing else. After a brief glance at Will, Leo wrenched his hand out of his before muttering, “I don't know what it means, Rob. I didn't think it was that bad. Sorry.”
Leo laughed comfortably, saying, “And sometimes, it feels like you know everything about me, which is scary, but it's also okay sometimes because then I can tell you things, and talk to you, and not be scared that you'll run away or abandon me or kill me, or something, just because I'm me.”
“That kid ain't sorry for shit,” Mittens said casually. “Do us all a favor and just kill him, Rob.”
Leo turned to smile at him. “Why don't you get off your lazy ass and do it yourself, Mittens?” he said.
“You - !”
“Everybody calm down,” Oscar said steadily, his voiced raised in command. “Miles,” he said, looking at Mittens, “You've had a long day, and I've appreciated your help. Now please shut up and get some sleep.” Then turning to Rob, he muttered, “The kid said sorry. Let's just let it go for now, yeah? I'll talk to him later.”
Both Mittens and Rob glared at Leo before storming away in varying levels of anger. The remaining four sat back down around the fire, breathing a deep sigh of relief.
Everyone, that is, except for Leo. Although he conceded to sit back down, he still held a scowl on his face. “I have a name now, you know,” Leo snapped at Oscar, “Stop calling me 'the kid'.”
“You know Leonardo's not even my real name? I don't remember my first name, though, so I guess that doesn't count. I'm so weird, right? I'm so different, and strange, but you're here so it's okay...but that's why I don't tell you things, you know, when you ask me stuff, and when you look at me with those eyes, and it's annoying sometimes when you keep asking – ”
“I know,” she said suddenly, interrupting, “I know, Leonardo. The world's not fair.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand, and a tingling feeling abruptly penetrated his calm haze. “But I'm here for you.”
The deep calm slowly retreated. Suddenly, a beat of intense fear raced through him, and Leo immediately ripped his hand out of Lex's.
“You said you had it,” Leo muttered accusingly.
Noticing his awareness, Lex gave him an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” she said.
“I know what your name is, Leo,” Oscar said, his voice just as biting. “But if you keep acting like a kid then you leave me no choice but to call you one.”
“How am I acting like a kid?!” Leo yelped, feeling stung. To his surprise, everyone around the circle started chuckling, and then laughing as he stared at them in increasing bewilderment and irritation.
“What?” he kept on asking. “What's so funny?!”
Leo hated it when she lost control like that, and Lex knew that he hated it. In those times, he felt like his very self was leaking out of him, forcing him to envision a day when she would lose all control, making a shell out of him as she scattered his being into the air. He always felt a cold chill at the thought, just as he did now. How could he have allowed someone to have so much power over him? How could he still allow it?
Although it hurt her, he couldn't help but keep his distance. “You don't sound sorry,” he muttered under his breath.
“I- I think you answered your own question, Leo,” Will suddenly wheezed, clutching his stomach as he laughed.
If she had heard him, she made no reply.
7.
“How are you feeling?”
“ … Fine.”
Silence. “Good. … I was worried.”
“Were you, Ms. Red. I'm sorry.”
“You have good friends, did you know that?”
“What?”
“That healer. He flatly refused my request to see you. Me. … He said you needed to rest a bit longer before we could meet again.”
“ … I wondered.”
“Are you surprised?”
“No. Not really.”
“He took good care of you. I can barely even tell...”
“Healers heal us, Ms. Red. It's what they do.”
“They're not required to care.”
“It's more work for them if I was injured right after a healing.”
“Yes...you're right. After all, that's how we all act, isn't it? It's the only way we can keep sane in this kind of world.”
“There's no way anyone can stay sane in this kind of world.”
“I have to disagree.”
“Of course. I'm sorry, Ms. Red. I spoke without thinking.”
“I forgive you. But it's a hard thing, seeing someone so disdainful of my creation.”
“You seem disdainful yourself, Ms. Red. Sometimes.”
“ … I do, don't I? I hope it doesn't mean that I am.”
“I don't know.”
“Life would be much too simple if you did know, wouldn't it. But maybe it's better this way...I'm too old, now, to act on regrets.”
“The world is too large to change.”
“Ha, you think so? I've seen the world change, and drastically at that. No...it's not the world, not really. It's the people. There are simply too many, each with stubborn minds and fickle hearts, each paving forward relentlessly into chaos. And what can any of us do against something like that? What can I do? I can change the world. I've changed the world. But here we still are.”
“I'm sorry, Ms. Red.”
“I guess...I am too.”
“I'm 100 next month.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“.....You don't believe me.”
“No. I don't.”
“I'm a Light One, remember? My ability saves me from old age.”
“That's an incredible ability.”
“We're usually better at maintaining our health anyway.”
“Even with those?”
The smoke unfurled between them and she smirked thinly, as if she had forgotten how.
“This is for my mental health,” she said, “Just like you are.”
“Am I?”
“Mm. Why else would I be here?”
“I don't know.”
They remained silent for a few more moments, sitting across from each other in their worn wooden chairs. The woman had bold eyes. Glinting, they looked up from beneath dusted eyelashes, staring across seductively, knowingly, mockingly. In the light of her cigarette, thick, auburn hair curled around those eyes like dancing flames, fierce and fiery in the dark. She was beautiful. Despite her words, it was a beauty of youth.
“Well,” she said suddenly, putting out her cigarette, “That's enough talk for today.”
She stood up. After a brief glance, she turned away and walked over to the fireplace. “Thanks for listening,” she said to him over her shoulder.
“It was interesting.”
He stood up as well, tracking her movements into the light of the flickering fire.
“Come here,” she said, her voice as soft as the night. Without hesitation, he did, moving warily until his wan figure was bathed in the orange glow of the fire. He stood before her, his pale, gray eyes as dull as they always were.
She ran a hand through his hair. “How old are you?” she asked.
He paused.
“Do you want to talk more, Ms. Red?” he murmured. She stiffened at his answer, stopping her hand as she looked over again at his blank expression, his empty eyes. Sighing, she slowly trailed her fingers down to his face, feeling the warmth that existed there, before removing them completely.
“Nevermind, then.”
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Scream.
Was she still screaming?
She had stumbled to the floor, the sun burning her eyes.
Right. The sun. She couldn't be awake, this couldn't be real.
Yes. yes. no. No. NO.
“Reyna...” the girl was saying. Reyna looked at her, at the red.
“Help...me...”
She couldn't. She was a fluke, a broken thing. The Light One who could not heal.
“Please...”
The girl was crying. Her friend was crying. Her friend was dying.
“I don't want to die,” she said.
“No,” Reyna whispered, “No, you won't die, Peiya, you're with me. You're with me, Peiya.”
“I don't want to die.”
“Peiya...”
“REYNA!”
There were hands; on her shoulders, on her face, on her arms.
“Reyna! Look at me! Look at me!”
Reyna focused on the blurry little face in front of her, though she wanted to sit forever in that place and think of nothing and nothing and nothing.
“Fey...” she said, barely aware of what she was saying.
“Reyna,” the face said back to her, “Hey, you're okay. You listening to me, Reyna? Look at me. You're okay. You have to get out of here, though, okay? Those Dark Ones haven't been caught yet. Okay, Reyna?”
Reyna looked at her, at those wide brown eyes and pinched little face. “I'm...” Reyna whispered.
“Reyna-”
“Where's Peiya?” she said suddenly, clutching at Fey, at anything. “Fey, she's okay, right? Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?”
“Reyna, we need to go home -”
“WHERE IS PEIYA, FEY?” Someone was screaming, someone was crying... “Where is she?! Fey, tell me where she is...”
“You can't see her, Reyna, not right now – ”
“I need to see her, I-I need to see Peiya! Where is Peiya?! Please...”
“Later, Reyna! Later! After we get home, come on – ”
Reyna was pulled to her feet, stumbling, but she couldn't walk. No, she needed to see Peiya. She had to, she had to, she had to, she had to-
“Reyna, come on, you're not safe here – ”
“Fey,” she said, “Peiya...Where's Peiya? Let me see Peiya, I-I need to see, I-” Reyna looked at her hands, but they were so, so red.
“Reyna, please.”
But she was shaking her head; this couldn't be real. This wasn't real. She couldn't be Reyna. She didn't want to be Reyna.
“Reyna -”
“I can't,” she was saying. “No more. No more.”
And suddenly the red flashes by her sides were nothing more than blinding sunlight, the buildings simply blurs of strange shapes, the people only ghosts, and the world was just a passing dream.
It had been a quiet day. The studying students were, for once, absent, and the cold had shunned everyone else. Only the soft clacking of some computers, the stifled coughs of some people, and the gently turning pages of some books could be heard as the world outside sheathed itself with winter's first snow. Slowly, the day passed by into darkness, with the night illuminated by white brightness; yet the calm, dusty air of the library remained unchanged from morning to night.
That was how he liked it.
The young, scrawny boy thought this as he tried to fall back asleep, sitting curled into one of the library's comfy chairs. He had ragged, bitten nails clutching a ragged, ripped coat. It was thin but large, so that only a puff of the boy's black hair peeked out from underneath.
Eventually, a disembodied voice came over the intercom.
“...The time is now 9 PM and the library is now closed. Please return all books or proceed to the front counter for checkout. Thank you for choosing Poshick Library and we wish you a wonderful evening.”
A sigh escaped the coat. It moved to reveal the boy blinking blearily in the light, his skinny nose scrunched up in protest, and his small mouth pulled into a scowl. He sighed again before beginning the arduous process of extricating himself from the chair. Too soon, he was outside the doors of sanctuary, and the usual bitter mutterings filled the air.
It was still snowing, which could have been beautiful.
The boy started walking. Melted snow ran down his face like tears, trickling past his eyes, his nose, and his lips. His shoes were soaked and his coat was painfully thin. The cold pierced through them like blades, and soon enough, all but his wooden feet was racking with violent shivers. But the boy could do nothing more than grit his teeth as he trudged on.
Suddenly, however, despite the cold, despite the snow, he stopped. The wind brushed back his sopping hair to reveal pale, gray eyes staring blindly into the night.
“What do you want?” said the boy quietly.
He heard a distant grunt of annoyance before a voice answered back from the gloom. “Cocky brat,” it said. The snow crunched with heavy footsteps as he came closer. “Taking a stroll out at night like you own the whole fucking world. What do I want? Fuck that, I'm here to kill you, Leonardo.”
“Mittens,” said the boy, by way of greeting. “Huh. You're still alive then? Wouldn't have expected it of you, but congratulations.”
Mittens. Of course it was Mittens.
“Don't call me - !” Mittens exclaimed, now only feet away. But Leo had already attacked. The tendrils of shadow gathered immediately in his hands, requiring no more than a split second's command. They formed the familiar blades, cool but weightless as he rushed forward to stab at the body before him. But they sliced clean through air. Stumbling, Leo managed to curse before a dense force smashed against his head, knocking him to the ground. His head pounded from the hit and the fierce rush of blood in his ears, and he lost Mittens to the sensation. Suddenly, he heard the unmistakable whistle of rapid movement, and by mere instinct Leo rolled over to the opposite side, feeling more than hearing the mass of shadow, weapons of the enemy, crush into the pavement behind him. His body pulsing with adrenaline, Leo stumbled to his feet, searching wildly for the cursed man. Mittens appeared in that instant as if out of nowhere, and he lost no time in sending Leo a wave of black shadows morphed ridiculously into the shape of mittens. Leo slashed viciously through the ones he could and attempted to avoid the ones he couldn't, all the while moving slowly towards Mittens himself. Leo was struck, was felled, more times than he could count, but the relative weakness behind Mittens' mittens kept him just a whisper away from death. Every now and then, Leo was able close in on Mittens, dealing severe damage with his wild yet controlled desperation, and in this pattern gradually, they each lost themselves in time, in blood, and in pain.
Leo found himself in some parking lot near the final moments, covered in blood and bruises. His breaths were heavy in his ears, and he felt unreal, floating in the face of death. It seemed as if the moon had run off, leaving the two to their fate and thick, unyielding darkness.
That was how he liked it.
Mittens stood before him, broken and bleeding.
He could kill him, Leo thought. He could kill him.
Leo heard him spit blood. Suddenly, he spoke. “You fucking piece of shit,” Mittens said, “You – why?! They're DEAD, you fucker! They're dead and you don't even give a fucking - but I know - fuck, they didn't – you're not fucking human – we dug you up – and that girl – damn the world, it should've been you! YOU! - So fucking DIE already!”
With those words, Mittens rushed at him, shouting and screaming and crying, but in a split-second's thoughtless, decision, it was all over.
His black blade sunk deep into the chest, so that Leo could feel blood run, dripping, over his hand.
Choking sounds overhead, dying words. His last curse, his last tears.
The body fell to the floor, and all the mittens dispersed into darkness with the sound.
Leo released his own shadow weapons, staring at his feet. He stood still, breathing heavily, ready to collapse. But there was blood seeping from the body, blood splattered across the floor, blood soaking through his shoes, blood staining the air, blood blanketing the world like snow. He didn't want to touch it. He couldn't.
Not unless he wanted to be the one screaming.
He stumbled past the dead Mittens, trying to ignore the soft squish of blood flowing over his toes, telling himself it was anything but. After an eternity of staggering and, eventually, crawling, he gulped in the clean air like water before collapsing in the snow. His body shivered uncontrollably with cold as his muscles shook violently with exhaustion, but he knew none of this.
All he knew were the screams, the bullets, the bodies dropping to the floor, gazing and innumerable...he knew paralyzing fear, his and others, and he knew the stench that filled his head and made him gag...he clutched his head against this, he commanded himself not to scream, but he couldn't, of course he couldn't....
A hand grabbed his arm and he reacted instantly. Shaping a blade of night, he plunged it into the person beside him, forcing them to the ground so that he faced –
no.
no
no this
couldn't be happening
no go away she's not
here stop
stop this isn't real she's not here she's not
“Leo,” she said, her face as pale as the runaway moon. “What are you doing?”
Her blue eyes bright and small face leering; clear, so clear, before his eyes as they always were.
as nothing else ever was
“N-Nina...” he croaked, frozen. Her small hand rested on his blood-stained face.
“Poor Leo, you almost look like them.”
“Go away,” he whispered, “Please – go away.”
She licked off his blood from her hand, but her skin was sloughing off at the same time
at the
as if her tongue was made not from flesh but a million knives...
“No...Nina...”
“You're so mean, Leo,” she said, showing him her bleeding hands, “Did you forget already? I'm a part of you.”
“No...you're not...you're...not you're not you're not- ”
“You're so mean,” she repeated, reaching out her arms to either hug him or choke him, “You don't deserve to live...”
“ – NOT! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE – !”
so die already
2.
“Who's Nina?”
“What.”
“Just now, you were...talking. In your sleep.”
“I-I was?”
“Mm.”
“I'm sorry I fell asleep.”
“You looked like you needed it.”
“How long have I been here?”
“It's been a couple of hours.”
“...I should go.”
“Stay.”
“Ms. Red, they'll be looking for me.”
“They know where you are.”
“Won't you have people looking for you?”
“They don't exist when I'm here.”
“Ms. Red – ”
“Just come here and tell me a little bit about yourself, no lies. Then I'll let you go.”
He hesitated.
“I would never lie to you, Ms. Red.”
“I know.”
There was a small silence as they lay there, breathing.
“I was born in an underground village. … I lived there until I was five.”
“Is that why you can't see well?”
“Yes. We used the shadows for seeing, not our eyes.”
“You know, my sister tried to explain that to me once. We were just kids then. I got so angry because I couldn't understand, and then she got angry...it was pathetic.”
“...Your sister?”
“Yes, my blood sister. Rare, but it does happen from time to time.”
“Your sister was a Dark One.”
“My entire family was...but we were talking about you. How can you see without eyes?”
“...I can't really explain it.”
“Do it anyway.”
“....You know the feeling you have when there's someone near you in the dar- light?”
“Yes.”
“For me...it's like that but...I don't feel; I know. I can see anything in the shadows...like your cigarette. I can see the smoke coming off of it like I can see that chair. I can see your lips, your eyes, your fingers, anything.”
She smiled. “That's amazing.”
“I'm glad it pleases you, Ms. Red.”
She ran her thumb over his chapped lips, imagining her fingers as five long shadows.
“So...what happened? You said you lived in that village only until you were five.”
“I left and traveled with friends. Then I ended up here.”
“The end?”
“The end.”
“...Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure, Ms. Red.”
Everything looked white; piercingly white. She had run, disoriented, for what felt like miles before she collapsed with exhaustion. The world spun in fantastical ways and Reyna couldn't tell sky from earth anymore. All she knew was the heat of the day and the warmth of the dirt between her fingers as she sobbed, gasped, and screamed.
Eventually, someone heard her.
Ice water splashed over her face like a slap, and Reyna started as if she'd been electrocuted. Blinking rapidly, she looked up at the shadow that hovered over her.
“Who are you?” said the shadow in the rough tones of a man.
“I don't- I don't know,” Reyna answered hoarsely.
She could see him furrow his brows.
“Are you a Dark One?” he asked.
Reyna closed her eyes. Now that- that she knew for sure.
“No,” she said.
He woke up, as quickly and suddenly as if someone had smacked him across the head with a sledgehammer. It almost felt like someone had, except not only did his head pierce through with pain but so did his every nerve, fiber, and bone. He tried to sit up, but his body screamed its protest, and he fell back immediately.
“I'm glad you're awake, Leonardo, but please try to lie still,” said a soothing voice overhead.
Leo could make out no other feature except for that voice – the voice of the Light One – in the blinding brightness of the room. His body quickly coiled, ready to pounce, but then he paused. The Light One had known his name.
“Who are you?” Leo croaked out.
“My name is Ferdan, but you can call me Fred. I've been healing you for the past hour. Luckily, you're out of any immediate danger, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait a little longer until you're completely healed. Now, please stay still.”
“But who – ?”
“Stay still, Leo.”
Leo froze, his heart racing. The world was white, the brilliance piercing his mind and eyes like daggers. The sheets under his back were wrong, too soft. The Light One's hands were oddly smooth, but they burned as they healed. He had no idea what was going on.
But he could have recognized that voice anywhere.
“Will?” he breathed.
“I'm here, Leo.”
A million emotions rushed in at once, and it was an effort to stay still. Leo wanted to jump up, punch someone, cry, hug him, laugh, and yell. Most of all, he wanted to see Will.
Leo said nothing, but did as he was told as the Light One continued to labor over his body. Aches and pains slowly disappeared with the warm and searing glow of a brilliant light. Although Leo desperately wished to fall back into unconsciousness, that burning light kept him wide awake, leaving him tired, bored, and increasingly anxious.
After an unbearably long stretch of hours, the Light One finally stopped his hands. “Done!” he said, before dropping into a chair with exhaustion. Leo sat up experimentally and took deep, clean breaths.
“How are you feeling?” he heard Will ask. Leo immediately opened his mouth to answer, but, catching himself, he addressed himself instead the blurred shadow he hoped was the Light One.
“Thank you, Fred,” he said.
The room seemed to freeze, and there was a long pause. Leo shifted slightly on the bed, uncomfortable under the undoubtedly scrutinizing gazes of both the Light and Dark Ones before him. Finally, Fred broke the silence. “You're very welcome, Leonardo,” he said.
Leo heard him get up. “Make sure he takes plenty of rest, Will,” he said briskly, suddenly business-like, “A Light One can only do so much. He has to drink plenty of water, and he can't exert himself too much over the next couple of weeks. Try to keep him fed as well, but not anything too heavy if you can manage it. And Leonardo...” The Light One paused before him, the wavering shadow unreadable in the light. “Don't be afraid to ask for me anytime you need a healer,” he said, almost warmly. “I'll be taking my leave. Have a good evening.”
“See you.”
“Good bye, Fred.”
The door shut and Leo got a sudden, prickling awareness from the fact that they were now alone. No one had turned the lights back off. Slightly unnerved by the blindness, Leo stood up from the bed, not knowing where the lights were but refusing to ask Will to do it for him.
“Are you really feeling okay?” Will said suddenly. Leo could imagine his expression as he said it; that worried one that had always kept him alive.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “Of course I am.” He immediately stumbled into a table, and he cursed inwardly as he tried to hide the sharp, prickling sensations from the impact. Will said nothing, but a second later, the lights had turned off. Although Leo could have sighed with relief at his sudden ability to see, he was inexplicably annoyed that Will had not laughed at him, or made some stupid comment; that he had chosen to act like something other than a friend.
“Leo,” he said, “What – ?”
“It's none of your business,” Leo snapped. He sat down on the couch placed beside the table he had run into, his whole body tingling as if the Light One had made his skin come alive.
Will remained where he was, leaning against the wall opposite Leo. They lapsed into an uncomfortably long silence, as if they did not already have a year's worth of it between them. Eventually, Will spoke, very, very quietly.
“Did you kill someone, Leo?”
Leo's head shot up as if Will had shouted the question. His heart pounded with guilt, and an inexplicable betrayal, but at the same time, he felt he could have laughed with relief.
“How did you know?” he demanded.
Will stared at him, his face carved of stone.“It was a lot of blood,” he said simply.
Slightly nauseous, Leo pulled his knees up onto the couch, hugging them as he tried to block out the sudden flood of images from that night.
“I had to,” he whispered.
“I believe you,” Will replied.
Will left the wall and came closer, sitting down beside him. Leo was suddenly aware that his hands were shaking. He thought about stilling them, but then found that he didn't care.
“Who was it?” Will asked.
“...Mittens.”
“Of course it was Mittens,” he said, his mouth curling up ruefully.
Leo's lips twitched, though he felt more like crying. “Of course.”
“Don't be so hard on yourself,” Will said, “Mittens went to kill. You can't be blamed for defending yourself.”
Leo said nothing to that. He wanted to contradict him for some reason, but at the same time he did not want him to be wrong. They each stared off into the darkness, lost in their own thoughts. After a pause, Will spoke up again, his voice suddenly hard. “But why didn't you tell him?”
“Tell him what?”
Will's eyes narrowed, but just so much that only he could tell. “You know what,” he said. “I was the one who caused the ambush, you know that.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Then why didn't you tell him?”
Leo tried scoffing, but only came up with something like a weak cough. “Like he would've believed me,” he said.
Will gave him a puzzled look. “You could've tried. You haven't even grown accustomed to killing yet. I'm surprised that that was your first instinct.”
Leo felt a hard knot of disgust twist sickeningly in his stomach as Will said this. He was right. Telling Mittens was most obvious thing to have done, but now that he thought about it, he was painfully aware that the idea had never even crossed his mind. Not when Mittens had attacked him, not when he had attacked Mittens...not when he had killed Mittens. His first instinct...guilt surged over him anew, but this time like a blunt force, nauseating, painful, and cruel.
“I dunno why I did it, Will,” Leo said, his voice shaking, “I don't. What's wrong with me? I should've- you're right, I should've told him, but I-I...I don't know, he- Mittens was talking, and I felt...like he was right. That they died...because of me...”
Will took his hands, and it was warm, familiar. “Leo, look at me,” he said, “You know that isn't true. I chose to save you and only you. That's on me, not you.”
Leo looked at him. Will's eyes were clear and true, just like they had always been. But then why did his words feel like nothing more than blatant lies? Leo shook his head.
“I killed Mittens,” he said, “Don't say I'm innocent.”
“I didn't,” said Will, “I'm saying that – ”
“I should've known.”
Will's hands twitched, but he kept silent at the interruption. “I hung around with you the most,” Leo continued, “I should've known you were a scrounger. It was so obvious. I should've told everyone, or Oscar at least, and then everyone would've known, and no one would be...”
“Oscar knew, Leo,” Will said quietly, “So did Selena.”
Leo looked around at him sharply. “What?”
“Stop being dense,” Will chided, though it had none of his usual bite. “Of course they knew. We all, Oscar especially, used the money I earned for food and shelter all the time. There was no way they wouldn't question my sources, and I had to tell them eventually. After that, I also gave them information to help us move to safer areas, learn about which Dark Ones we could and couldn't trust, where we could find Healers. They were fully aware of what I was, so you knowing wouldn't have made a difference either way. It was my fault for being careless. There's nothing you could have done.”
Leo's eyes burned. Rendered speechless by his words, he could barely get himself to speak.
“But...then why do I still feel so guilty?” he choked out. “Why am I the only one alive?”
“You're making no sense,” Will replied bluntly. “Being alive doesn't make you guilty, you know that.”
Leo smiled grimly. “I don't deserve to live...”
“Leo,” Will cut in sharply. His hands tightened painfully around Leo's, and he found himself grateful for it. “I'm the one who killed those Dark Ones' friend. They came after me because I was the stupid one who got his identity known. You were just the one unfortunate enough to be my friend at the time.”
Will's eyes were fierce, almost something other than lifeless, and it clawed at his heart to see it. Leo forced out a hollow laugh. “We all were, really.”
Will pulled up a matching smile. “Right.”
After a short pause, Leo cleared his throat, taking his hands out of Will's. “H-How'd you find me, anyway?” he said, looking away.
Will blinked, then retracted his hands. “There wasn't really a how,” he said slowly, “I just found you. I was walking around, and then all of a sudden, I saw someone yelling and thrashing around in the snow. I went over to see if I could help...and it was you.”
“So you just...found me? Just like that?” Leo asked, bewildered.
“Yeah.”
“What were you doing there?”
Will hesitated. After a long pause, he sighed. Will looked directly at him as he answered.
“Being a scrounger,” he said.
Leo's mind went immediately numb, and his body cold. He opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. “Of-of course,” he finally managed to choke out. What else had he expected?
“Look, Leo...”
“That reminds me, can I leave now?” Leo said abruptly, moving his legs back off the couch, “This place stinks of trash, you know.”
Will's eyes narrowed infinitesimally. “Don't be stupid,” he said, “Yeah, you're at headquarters for collectors. Scroungers. Whatever. You're also supposed to rest. There's no better place for you to do that than here.”
“Then what?” Leo said sharply, refusing to look at Will, “I kill some Dark Ones when I'm all better? Or you do it for me?”
“Leo...” Will started hesitantly, then he continued in a rush, “I'd rather take on some targets than lose you, Leo, you – ”
“What?” Leo interrupted. He turned to glare at Will. “I don't get it, Will. How can you keep on doing this? You're helping them kill us! Someday they'll kill you too!”
“You don't know that,” Will interrupted cautiously.
“Or you'll get yourself killed!” Leo shouted, jabbing his finger at him. “ And-and you act like they're protecting you or something, but this- being a scrounger made everyone dead!” Leo threw up his hands before placing them, shaking, on the couch. He sighed wearily. “I told you, Will. A year ago, I told you to stop, and I know I left, but I thought you listened. It's not right, it's twisted, it's...how can you...I don't understand. I'll never understand. Will...” he trailed off, staring at Will's pleading eyes.
Awkwardly, Leo stood up, looking away. “I need to leave.”
“You need to rest – ”
“I can rest somewhere else.”
“Where?” Will said forcefully, standing as well. “On the streets? In the woods? At a darkden? Where?”
“I can take care of myself,” Leo replied, glaring at him.
“Evidently you can't.”
Leo breathed out sharply. “You killed my family,” he said, his stomach twisting with nausea as the words came out.“You have no right to say that to me.”
“I don't care if I have the right. It's the truth, Leo. You're too – ”
“Don't say I'm too young,” Leo cut in, scowling. He could feel the shadows forming blades in his hands, and he tried in vain to calm himself. Will undoubtedly noticed this as well, but he gave as much attention to it as Leo did. It probably never occurred to him that Leo could harm him.
Ha.
“Look, Leo, the only reason that I do what I do is so that I can make sure that the people I care about are safe,” Will said, “I know, it's not foolproof, but nothing is. How much longer were we able to survive because I had money to buy us food and shelter? How much longer were we all able to live because I had information about Dark and Light Ones in the area? I know, they died because of me. But they were also able to survive because of me. Do I feel guilty? Yes. But am I going to stop doing this? No. I still need this. You still need it.”
“No,” Leo said, his hands clenched almost painfully from the effort of keeping himself somewhat calmed. “I don't. I don't need any of this. I was on my own for over a year before Mittens fucked everything up, and even then I protected myself. I don't need you.”
“You would've died if I hadn't been there!” Will said exasperatedly.
“Then you should've just let me die!” Leo shouted, “You should've let me die! I deserve it! Why do you only know how to do the wrong things and save the wrong people?”
“As long as I'm saving someone.”
“You're a murderer,” Leo whispered, “People like us need to die.”
“Maybe you haven't realized this yet, but Dark Ones kill each other all the time,” said Will, his voice firm, “The only difference is I get paid for it.”
Leo shook his head. “It's not right,” he repeated, “They didn't deserve to die.”
“That doesn't change the fact of what happened. All we can do, Leo, is accept it, and learn from it, but most of all, move on.”
“Then let me move on,” Leo said quietly. “Let me go.”
Will said nothing.
Leo scoffed at his hesitation, finally able to manage it. “I get it now,” he said, “I doesn't matter what I say, right? You just want me to stay. What else do you have now, anyway, now that everybody's dead.”
“That's not – ” Will started, reaching towards him.
Leo flinched at the gesture, backing up into the wall behind him, but Will grabbed his arm anyway. “Listen to me!” he said, taking Leo's other arm as well.
Leo yelled, struggling. “Let me go!”
“No!” Will shouted, his voice booming. “Listen to me, Leo! What happened was an inevitability; it was going to happen one way or the other. Stop!” he yelled, easily sweeping away the tendril of shadow that Leo had tried to build with his own. Will placed his face inches from Leo's, his eyes wide and fierce, but...inhuman.
“It was inevitable,” he repeated, “I don't regret all the protection that I'd been able to give everyone up till that point because it allowed us to have a life. We were able to live long enough to love like family, Leo. I just want to make sure that you don't lose that now that they're gone. You don't want to know what that's like.”
“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Leo said venomously. “Let me go.”
“You've been surrounded by us ever since you were a child! You don't know a damn thing about what it's really like out there!”
“Did you forget?!” Leo shouted, “I lived for an entire YEAR without you!”
“What? And you think a single fucking year is the same as the rest of your life?!”
“I don't know!” he spat, “Let me go!”
“No!” Will yelled, “You're going to rest here even if I have to knock you out and chain you to this room!” He slammed Leo against the wall, struggling to keep him in place.
“Then do it!” Leo shouted back, “I don't want to see your stupid face for another fucking second!”
“Fine! I will!” he said.
“Fine!”
“I'm serious!”
“So am I!”
“I'll do it!”
“Then do it al– !”
3.
“It's been a long time since I've seen your face.”
“I'm sorry, Ms. Red.”
“It's not your fault. I heard they've been keeping you busy.”
“It's their job.”
“I guess it is. That doesn't mean I have to dislike it any less.”
“You do as you please.”
“You're implying that I have that kind of power?”
“Yes.”
“You assume too much.”
“I don't mean to offend.”
“No, I say it because you amuse.”
“You think what I said is ironic?”
“Yes.”
“I don't think it is.”
“...I've always wondered something.”
“What?”
“Promise me you won't take offense.”
“Of course not, Ms. Red.”
“What do you feel when you kill your own people?”
“.... I don't know. I haven't considered it in a long time.”
“Well, consider it now.”
“I did. And I don't know.”
“Do you-do you feel sad? Like you had ripped away the one place where you were meant to be? Do you feel guilty? Like you had betrayed the trust of thousands of men, women, and children? Do you feel regretful? Like you would have been happier with that other, more normal path in life? Do you look back in life and think that it had been a waste, a toxic kind of waste to the lives of so many others, but in a way that had allowed happiness – however twisted it is – to enter that one life, your life, so that you feel guilty again, but in a different sort of way? Do you feel selfish, thinking that, but almost happy too? Do you...ha, do you know?”
He waited, allowing her to take a pull on her shaking cigarette.
“What I feel, Reyna...I don't know what I feel, and I don't want to know. Because my life is a waste...but who would want to acknowledge something like that?
“But you accept it?”
“It's all I've ever known.”
“So you do know.”
“Yeah...I do.”
It was a brilliant summer's day. The towering trees of her childhood had long since been mowed down, and now sparkling rays of sunlight took their place.
The world seemed desperately empty. The sounds of chattering birds and, more importantly, of chattering people were achingly absent; present only as gaping holes in this wide, deadened forest. She missed the city: the sounds, the smells, the life. Maybe they would rebuild there in the future, replacing the city of shadows with another city of shimmering lights.
She would like that.
Every now and then, she would come across some evidence of the long lost world. Someone's taxi license, a child's stuffed doll, fragments of pots, a rotted skeleton. She moved on from them like a ghost, ignoring their mundane stories.
Eventually, she came to a stop before a low cave coated in green. She stood, trembling.
“Who's there?” said a voice. Reyna opened her mouth as if to respond, but no sound came out. She closed it.
A woman came out of the cave. She had a beautiful face pinched and pale with fear, but her hands were steady on a notched blade. Upon seeing Reyna, however, the woman instantly dropped it.
“Reyna!” she said, tears forming in her wide brown eyes.
“Fey,” Reyna managed to choke out. They stood still, each facing the other, waiting for someone to speak. “You're wearing your glasses,” Reyna blurted out. Fey touched them hesitantly, as if to remind herself that they were still there. “So are you,” she said back.
“I – yeah.”
They lapsed back into silence. They knew that neither wanted to speak and that neither wanted to listen. But they had no choice.
“It's over, isn't it?” said Fey, her voice empty and fierce. Reyna wanted to say no, it's not over, that they still had a chance. She wanted to say yes, it's finally over, that her kind could now freely roam the world. She wanted to say yes, she'll always love her. She wanted to say no, she could never love her.
She wanted to say, please, just let it all end.
“It-it's over, Fey,” she said, still trembling, “We – the Light Ones took Igred. They've won. It's...all over.”
Fey dropped to her knees, her eyes dead. “We...lost?”
Reyna didn't answer.
Her sister did nothing, simply staring through her ridiculous glasses as if she could see something Reyna didn't. “What will happen to us now?” Fey suddenly whispered, still staring.
Reyna had dreaded this question, but her sister had always known how to stab straight into the heart of things. “I don't know,” she said. She couldn't give her the truth.
Fey's gaze turned sharply towards her, quick and sudden and painful. “You're lying.”
“No,” Reyna replied weakly, “I...” but she couldn't. She just couldn't.
“They're doing it, aren't they?” said Fey, her eyes pained but dry, “I've heard the rumors, Reyna. They...they're gonna kill us. All of us.”
“...Yes.”
There was a silence as Fey's fingers gripped the grass beneath her.
“Reyna,” she said, and she sounded bare, weak. “Mother...was wounded a few weeks before. It-it doesn't look good. We tried all we could, but it's not like we're Light Ones. Do you know anyone that would help us? I know it's a risk, especially now, but we need – ”
“Fey,” Reyna interrupted, and she stopped immediately. She looked wary.
“I came to say goodbye,” Reyna continued, willing her eyes to stare into Fey's as her words finally spilled out. “You know I left home for a reason. We won. The Light Ones won. We're finally free, Fey, and I chose to be a part of that. I can't...be a part of...this anymore. I...can't kill you. Or Mother. But I won't do this anymore.”
“'This'?” Fey repeated, the word warped with scorn. Her pleading eyes had crystallized, piercing her with a cold stare. “Let's get something straight. You think you're being brave right now? As brave as when you left this place to go join the Light rebels? You're deluding yourself. You're running away! You're running away from what's right: from your duty as a sister, as a daughter, even as a human being and that doesn't make you brave. That makes you a coward!”
“I'm not!” she shouted, torn with anger at her sister, at herself. “I want to be with you, Fey, I do. I want to help you and forget about everything, and just live like we used to! But I can't. I've killed and torn myself apart for this new world! For our freedom! I can't abandon that. I can't abandon my kind to hide with you in some lost corner of the world. I'll let you go...but that's as much as I can do. I'm not trying to be brave or trying to justify anything, Fey, I'm protecting my own. I've seen so many people die before my eyes, at my hands...I've chosen, I've chosen a long time ago. I'm on my side, you're on yours, and that's it. That's it.”
Fey simply sat there, her eyes flecks of ice.
“You...” she finally said. Her voice shook. “I'm not asking you to run away with us or anything. I'm not stupid. But – if you could find us a healer, just this once, Reyna, please – !”
“I can't. I can't get involved. If I give in now – ”
“THEN WHY DID YOU COME HERE?!” Fey screamed out, beside herself. She stood up and looked ready to take up her sword again as her hands shook with fury, bits of grass falling out. “YOU'RE LYING TO YOURSELF! YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE THAT CAN'T EVEN JUSTIFY HERSELF WITH A DECENT EXCUSE! IF YOU'RE GONNA KILL US THEN KILL US!”
Then Fey did take the sword. Reyna reached instinctively for the gun hidden in her clothes, her mouth dry and her breath gone, but the sword ended up not slicing through air but thudding down by her own feet. “DO IT!” Fey shouted, her eyes shining with tears.
Reyna could barely breathe. Her eyes didn't seem to be working properly, or her ears. All she saw was that battered sword, red with Fey's fury, and nothing but its metallic ring could pierce her ears. Other people had started emerging from the cave, undoubtedly drawn out by Fey's voice, and each looked wary, terrified; each held some kind of weapon. She couldn't move.
“DO IT!” Fey repeated, the tears now dripping down her face, “Take that damn sword or help Mother!”
“You can find a healer anywhere else! You don't need me!” Reyna shouted back. Desperately? She didn't know.
“Are you fucking with me right now?!” Fey screamed, her voice thundering in her ears like the groans of the dead.
Then she heard something worse.
“Don't move!”
Reyna whipped her head around to see at least ten horribly familiar faces behind her, each owner holding either a drawn gun or a wickedly sharp blade. “Reyna!” one of them said, filling her with cold dread, “Are you all right?!”
“I-I'm fine,” she answered. And then she knew.
Too late, with a horrible, sickening realization, she knew.
She was a coward.
The room had been pitch dark and empty for hours. Leo could tell only by the gnawing in his stomach that it might have even been longer than that. He didn't have the energy, however, to try and navigate the maze-like labyrinth of his current hellhole. Not without Will.
Where is he? Leo kept on thinking. Is he dead?
For some reason, a month had passed since Leo had arrived at the scrounger's nest – headquarters – and he was still there. Leo couldn't fathom his own reasoning, though he might have guessed that Will had something to do with it.
After all, how could one so easily abandon family?
Is he though? he would think.
How could family kill family?
Of course, he had killed Mittens. He supposed it was possible, then.
Will did have a point, anyway. What would he do outside of these walls, other than starve and possibly freeze over?
He was a child. A coward. Nothing more.
Leo sat there in the bed he had first woken up in, feeling the chill of an assassin's indifference. It followed him everywhere, in that place.
How much better was he? Murderer...and worse...
Of course, he had to leave at some point. Will's crimes could not be forgiven.
But what had they been again?
He didn't know...didn't know...all he knew was the comfort that he had lacked for over a year, along with the company of a human being. Of Will.
Of scroungers, traitors, assassins...really, his own kind...
And how bad were they, really, in comparison to him, and what he'd done in his short thirteen years of life?
Short, but unbearably long...
Insufferable. Unbearable. What did Will know of that pain? Was the world really so far gone that he could be called naive?
He will never know...How could you tell? You've made sure that your gravest sin would be buried with you...only I know...only I can see what you really are...
Leo buried his head into his knees. “What am I, Nina?” he whispered.
Monster. Beast. Horror.
“And human,” he said, “I'm still human.”
You abandoned that a long time ago. Even if you were human, you'd be nothing more than the scum of man.
“Shut up.”
You know this.
“Then you don't have to remind me.”
Why do you stay here, then, when every minute reminds you?
“I need to stay for Will. He needs me.”
He's gone. How long has it been? How many days? He's gone...dead...leaving you all alone.
“No,” Leo whispered. “The-the Light Ones will heal him – ”
It's your fault. If you hadn't stayed...
“He begged me to! I didn't have a choice!”
You always have a choice. You chose our life over his.
“He wanted me to stay...”
When you saw him, he was nothing more than a walking corpse, holding onto you out of habit. You were the one that ignored this, took advantage of it.
“No!”
Then why did you stay, Leo?
“I...”
You're a parasite who knows only how to feed off of others...and now...now Will is as much of a human as you are.
“He's alive. He has to be.”
Don't be a fool. Do we not know the dead?
Leo looked over at the empty, unnaturally clean room, at the stone cold meal on the dining table. It was unfeeling, filled only with the chilling silence that surrounded a grave. It seemed as if no one had ever lived there, it seemed as if it had not been meant for the living in the first place. Leo felt like a ghost, stuck in some demented piece of hell.
Suddenly, he had the mad urge to take the dust-covered knife from the table, that lifeless dining table. He had the magnetic desire to drive the thing clear through his mind. Through Nina. It would be so simple. Just a few seconds and he'd be rid of this forever...and what would it hurt, really, if he was already dead?
His arms dropped from his knees. She was screaming, but he didn't care enough to pay attention. He didn't care about anything anymore.
His leg came off the bed and the other followed. Just as he was about to stand, however, reason suddenly made it's way back into his screaming mind.
What was he doing? he thought.
He could make his own knives.
Immediately, a blade had formed in his hand, and he stared at it, at the sleek shadow, as blood pounded out his thoughts and Nina's shrieking voice.
It would be all over...the empty room, the cold, the waves of black guilt...
And he would see them again...all of them...
He would see Will...
In one swift motion, he drew the blade towards his eye.
In that moment, he could have been smiling, laughing, he could have been happy, listening as wails as distant as life rang through an unrecognizable mind; wails that could have been either her savage cries or his own broken screams.
4.
“What do you think life would've been like, if I had been born as a Dark One, and you a Light One?”
“Why?”
“I think about it sometimes. I was born into a Dark One family, remember? As a child, I asked myself that question just about every day. I used to go to sleep at the break of dawn, wishing that somehow I'd wake up and miraculously turn into a Dark One.”
“That's hard to believe.”
“It's been almost a century now. A lot has changed. But, ha...has it really been that long...”
“Yet you look as lovely as ever, Ms. Red.”
“I suppose I should thank you. But I'm tired...or maybe I've been tired, and I've just been noticing. Is it strange to see me now, knowing that I looked exactly the same almost a hundred years ago? It must be...even I can barely look at myself in a mirror anymore...it reminds me of everyone – everyone that has already left me, traveling down this path that's inaccessible to me. Leaving only my vices to keep me company.”
“We live to serve, Ms. Red.”
“...Ha. Ha ha ha. And for that I'm grateful. … And you?”
“What about me?”
“Don't you ever wish you were a Light One?”
“No.”
“Really? Never?”
“No, I wish....I wish for the things I've lost...”
“And? What would you do if you had them again?”
“...What would you do, Ms. Red?”
“Me? … I would go on my knees, and I would beg for forgiveness.”
“What would that solve?”
“Too many things.”
“...”
“I would hold onto them and ask them to spend their eternity here with me, instead of in a place where I can't reach them. I'd ask them when it'll finally be my turn. When they'll finally be able to accept me again...”
“I could kill you, Ms. Red, if that's truly what you want.”
“Ha. Thank you for the kind offer, but this world still needs me. How would I ever be able to face them again, if I simply left this world we'd worked so hard to build?”
“I'm sorry, Ms. Red. That was thoughtless of me.”
“You were serious, weren't you?”
“...Partly.”
“You're kinder than you give yourself credit for.”
“Thank you, Ms. Red.”
“It wasn't a compliment.”
“I'm still grateful.”
“Tell me, can you feel that anymore? Gratefulness? I see none of it in your eyes.”
“I don't hold anything in my eyes.”
“Right. Yes, I forgot. We just seem too alike sometimes, you and I.”
“I can't say I feel the same, Ms. Red.”
“No? No...you wouldn't, would you. I was the thoughtless one that time, it seems.”
“If you say so, Ms. Red.”
“Yes. I do.”
The night air had never smelled so sweet. The celebration had lasted all day, and it showed. Cans of cheap beer littered the grassy floor along with abandoned sparklers and the people that had finally passed out. The distant sounds of families chasing the twinkling fireflies joined the cacophony of cricket songs, kids continued to chase after each other in the dark, and drunken adults were either snoring through the night or laughing and singing by the fire. Reyna sat by herself at one of the long-abandoned buffet tables, sipping one of the remaining beer cans. Her tears had long since dried, but her magnified eyes were still pink and puffy, as if she hadn't slept in years.
She lifted the can up to her lips, but nothing came out. She brought it back down with a sigh.
“No pot of gold at the end of the beer can?”
Reyna looked around as he sat down next to her, smiling his radiant smile. She blushed, immensely glad for the darkness.
“That was lame,” she said.
He chuckled and handed her another one. She accepted it gratefully.
“Yeah, I guess it was.”
He sat there quietly as she sipped the warm beer, each listening to the distant sounds of the ongoing celebrations.
“They sound so happy,” he said suddenly, breaking the silence. Reyna looked over at him in surprise and laughed a little.
“Well, of course,” she said, “I don't know if you've heard the news yet, but we've just won a war.”
She saw him smile in the light of the moon.
“Then why do you still look so sad?” he asked too softly, too gently.
She wished he hadn't. He was the last person she wanted to talk about it with...and the one she wanted to talk about it with the most.
“Is it that obvious?” she said with a weak chuckle.
He said nothing, waiting.
Reyna remained silent for a few more moments, nursing her drink.
Finally, she put it down, sighing. “I saw my family die today,” she answered quietly, “I don't know if that's really something to celebrate.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It was my fault,” she said quickly, “You're not the one that should be sorry.”
He squeezed her hand. “But you know,” he said, “We're your family too. If you're happy, I'm happy; if you're sad, I'm sad; and if you're sorry, then that means I'm sorry too.”
Reyna allowed a small, sad smile and said, “Is that what family means?”
“Don't you know?”
She shook her head.
“Not really, no.”
“I guess no one does, really,” he said, leaning back but bringing her closer at the same time. “I just feel it. Ever since the first time you punched me in the face, we've been tied together this way, you know?”
Reyna laughed. “You were such an ass back then,” she said. Then she sighed, looking over at his warm green eyes.
“But yeah...I think I know what you mean.”
He leaned his head on her shoulder, and his smell – fresh, earthy, and clean – was the only thing in the world.
“So stop looking depressed as hell, okay?” he said confidently, poking her ribs, “Because we're always here, making sure you crack a smile every now and then.”
Reyna smiled at that, unable to help herself. “I'll try,” she said.
“You better.”
They fell back into a comfortable silence as the laughing, singing, and snoring continued to make up the calm of the night; every Light One filling their lungs with the air of freedom and their eyes with the light of the shining moon and shimmering stars. These Light Ones joked and danced with friends, with family, with lovers; they shared drinks with strangers and swapped stories by the fire; they comforted each other, they hugged each other, they smiled with each other; finally able to do all of it, for once, without a care in the world.
The two of them sat within that new world, basking in its infinite possibility just like everyone else, and for the first time that night, that day, that year, that lifetime...the sky was lifted from Reyna's shoulders and she was in peace.
Leo looked over at that immobile figure, not yet a corpse, not yet alive. Will lay there on the white bed, haunted, as if the years of worry and guilt had finally escaped those hidden recesses of his mind and had plastered themselves onto his young face. No...no one would have been able to describe that face as young anymore.
Leo sat in the guest chair, and for how long he'd been there, he neither knew nor cared. Will's coarse hand was in his own, though he wished he could do more. He wished he was a Light One.
“I'm sorry,” he said suddenly. “If it wasn't for me...”
He trailed off. There was too much to name. At a loss, Leo put his head down by Will's side, hiding his tears.
“I'm so sorry.”
After several seconds, however, he sat back up and hastily wiped his face.
“I'm going away now,” he said, his voice tremulous but clear, “You won't see me again, Will. I still haven't forgiven you...and you should never forgive me. But, I'm...I'm going to miss you. I know I missed you when I left last time. You don't know how happy I was to see you again. Even though...you know. I just – I hope you stop doing all of this. You're too good to be a scrounger...l-look how broken you are. … You need to live, I know she's wrong...you're stronger than that, I know it. I- … I'm gonna miss you. I'm really gonna miss you.”
With this, Leo stood up, letting go of Will's limp hand. He shouldered his backpack and walked briskly over to the door, determined not to give a backwards glance.
He opened the door, closed it. He didn't look back.
Outside, he let out a shaky sigh, trying to focus for once on the white of the hallway.
“Leonardo.”
Leo jumped, but then immediately calmed as he recognized the voice. “Fred,” he said, trying to hide his annoyance. “What are you doing here?”
Leo thought he heard the smallest of sighs. “You weren't in your room,” he said, “So I figured this was the only other place you'd be.”
Leo struggled not to scowl. “Well,” he said, “You were right.”
“You're still thinking of going, I see,” Fred responded, his voice weary.
Leo sighed. “Look,” he said, “I...I'm grateful for what you've done for me. Really. If it weren't for you, I'd be even blinder than I'm right now.” Leo chuckled weakly, which Fred did not reciprocate. Clearing his throat, he went on, “Thanks. Really. But I can't take this anymore. If you're worried about me, then thanks, but I don't need it. If you're worried that letting me go will get you into trouble, then I'm sorry. But I have to go. … Just...when he wakes up, tell him...I said goodbye. And I...I- Just- goodbye. Tell him...goodbye. Please.”
“Leonardo – ”
But he didn't wait for any kind of promise. He hadn't expected one. Leo simply ran from him, tracing the path he had marked out carefully in the past week, flying through the hidden entrance, fleeing into the night.
The darkness cloaked him like an old friend, and he breathed in the free night air. Despite everything, he found himself smiling as the tears rolled down his face, as his chest threatened to disappear into oblivion. No, he was laughing. Sobbing.
And he didn't look back.
5.
“Have you ever loved anyone?”
“...Have you, Ms. Red?”
“Unfortunately.”
“I'm sorry.”
“It's not something you could've helped.”
“It's a pain that I can understand.”
“...I never would've wished that on anyone.”
“There are worse things.”
“Is there really? I would ask, but I don't want to know. I wonder if you really know yourself.”
The smoke unfurled in the air, casting its wild shapes. “It's a terribly cold pain, loneliness.”
“...”
“You understand, don't you? But, it's different, here with you...you- you are nothing to me, yet at the same time, I'm always drawn back here, to this place, to you. And then...in that moment, when I see you, your empty eyes, I can't help but feel like you belong to me in some way.”
“Reyna...”
“What can you say? I already know the truth...but of course, you know it's not the truth that I need.”
“Ms. Red...all that I am, is yours.”
“...If I asked, would you die for me?”
“Of course.”
“Would you kill for me?”
“Of course.”
“Would you love me?”
“Of course.”
“Would you say it?”
“Say...what?”
“Say that you love me.”
“Of course, Ms. Red. I love you.”
“Ha...it hurts. I didn't think it would hurt. Look at me. Say it again.”
“I love you, Ms. Red.”
“Say...it again.”
“I love you.”
“...I love you, too.”
They lay there in the unnatural, yet calming dark. They lay as two lovers who had passed together many nights and many days, but there was a heaviness in the air. They lay awake, not talking, only holding on to the dark.
Suddenly, she broke the silence.
“What are you thinking?” Reyna whispered.
“I don't know,” he said, smiling, “I'm trying not to think. Just live in the moment, you know.”
She looked up at him, feeling broken yet whole.
“Yeah.”His arms were warm around her, and she tried to focus on that, on only that. However, the idea of tomorrow left a relentless chill. He seemed to notice this, and he tightened his hold on her as if that would stem the flow of time.
“It'll be okay,” he said, and she knew he was still smiling, for her sake. “We'll still see each other. Anyway, we'll both be so busy fixing up this damn world that it'll feel like we're back together in no time.”
Reyna stared down, away, staring off into the dark. “Do you really think we can do it?” she asked quietly.
“Yes,” he answered. There was no hesitation in his voice.
She did not ask him how he could be so sure, how he could not cringe away at the certainty in his words. Instead, she smiled.
“As much as I would like to believe so, Vince, we're not like you,” Reyna said, her voice still soft.
“Did I say you were?” He looked down at her, clasping her calloused hands in his own. “Reyna, we're each our own person. All of us, Dark and Light Ones, we're individuals with feelings and opinions and dreams. You know that. That's why we're here, paving the way for a kind of world that can recognize something as simple as that. We've all worked so hard and for so long in order to even allow us a chance at this, and we couldn't have gotten to this point without each other. I trust everyone. I trust you.”
“But they won't,” she said, almost sullenly. He opened his mouth to object, but she cut him off. “Even you were antagonized against me, Vince, remember? The Varius family carries a heavy terror still, and as their last remaining descendant – ”
“You're a Light One, Reyna,” he interrupted firmly. “Not a Varius.”
Reyna tried not to flinch. Those words held an awful, familiar, ring of finality.
“For someone who's been in that position before,” Vince continued, either oblivious to or ignoring her reaction, “You should trust me on this. They'll trust you. Not at first, and not easily, but they will. You'll win them over. You will because you're you.”
But I'm no one.
She didn't say this. Instead, she said, “But how long will that take? How long will it be until I can leave – until either of us can leave? How long will it be until we can to see each other again?”
“If one of us takes too long, then we can just visit the other,” he responded amiably.
“I don't – ” she started, then choked on her words. Sighing, she tried again. “I don't,” she said, “want us to meet again, years from now, and then see that you've grown white hairs or something while I'm...I'm still like this.”
He laughed. “Reyna, that's every man's dream.”
She shot him a glare. “I'm serious, Vince,” she said.
“So am I.”
Sighing, she said, “But – ”
“Nothing's going to change, Reyna,” Vince said, drawing her even closer, rubbing her hands. “It doesn't matter where you're from, or how many years go by, or what world we end up in. You're you and I'm me. I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll keep on loving you in the years to come.” One of his hands left hers to caress her cheek, and she leaned into his touch.
“Some things just aren't meant to change,” he said gently.
“Sadly,” she sighed, “This world isn't one of them.”
“The day will come when it won't need to change,” Vince replied, his voice hard with firm belief, moving her as it had moved so many others all those years ago.
“And on that day...”
Kissing the top of her head, he intertwined their fingers, his smile tender, warm, and hers.
“...I'll never let go of you again.”
Dark. So dark. He could hear breathing...his own breathing. He could hear screams...not his screams. Or her screams. Just their screams, echoing above him as he lay trapped in the darkness.
What was going on? Why could he feel their presences disappearing, why did he hear these anguished cries and these vicious yells of fury? What was going on...why couldn't he move, why was he crying, why couldn't he help them....He was scared, so scared. The screams went on, piercing his head and his chest like millions of invisible blades, and they wouldn't stop...the dying wouldn't stop....
Leo's eyes flew open. He lay on the floor, heaving with terror, damp with tears and sweat.
A dream. Another dream.
Leo lay silent as he waited for his racing heart to calm down. Sighing, he sat up and placed his head on his knees, feeling exhausted down to his very bones.
A dream...if only it had been just a dream.
“You okay?”
He swallowed hard, his throat dry. “Yeah...Did I wake you?”
“No.”
She shifted on her bed. Bright moonlit filtered in through the window, no doubt illuminating the room with a soft glow. Nevertheless, he could see her gazing at him from above. She held out her hand.
“Here,” she said.
He smiled, the gesture itself enough to calm him. “I'm fine now,” he said, “Thanks. How come you couldn't sleep?”
She retracted her hand as she answered him softly, “I wanted to be there when you woke up.”
He couldn't help the dopey grin that spread across his face. He sincerely hoped it was dark enough that she couldn't see.
“Don't be stupid,” he said, hiding his face, “You have school tomorrow. You're gonna be exhausted.”
She snorted. “Like I care about that.”
“I care.”
She said nothing, simply sighing as she rolled onto her back.
After four minutes of solid silence he couldn't hold it back anymore.
“Are you sleeping?”
There was a small pause. “Yes.”
He smiled again.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I don't want to tell you.”
He paused before smirking into the darkness. “Shit, even with Light Ones, huh?”
“What?”
“You know,” he said, trying for a nonchalantly accusing tone, “Dirty thoughts. Perverts. Don't try to act all innocent, Lex.”
He heard her small scoff. “I'm not going to take that one lying down, Leonardo.”
“You just did, Alexandria.”
She snorted before rolling back around to face him. “Fair point,” she said, “I guess I have no choice then?”
“Nope.”
“You won't like it...”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely.”
She took a deep breath.
“It's about Nina.”
Silence.
“You've been eavesdropping,” he finally managed to say, the words dropping like hollowed ice in the space between them.
“I can't really help it,” she said.
“Is that why you stay awake every night?” he said bitterly, “So you can hear me bawl in my sleep?”
“No. It's because I like talking to you.”
“...Then don't talk about her.”
She slid out of the bed and sat down next to him. Her hand reached up to cradle his face, and he immediately felt his muscles, tense from the mention of Nina, loosening with a deep calm.
“You're not playing fair,” he said, smiling.
“The world's not fair, Leo.”
He sighed. “Lex, you could get me so relaxed that I turn to jelly, but I still won't tell you about her.”
“...Was she your girlfriend?”
“Lex...”
“Well, was she?”
“Why do you say 'was'?” he retorted. He had meant to say this sharply, but instead he heard the words warped in the tone of dreamy curiosity.
“It's – I could tell.”
He held her pleading gaze for a few seconds. “...No,” he muttered reluctantly, looking away.
“No what?”
“No, she wasn't my girlfriend.”
“Just a friend?”
“No.”
“A friend of a friend?”
“No.”
“Your sister?”
He blinked, still feeling the cold sweat even under Lex's influence.
“I'll take that as a yes.”
“No,” he murmured. “She wasn't my sister.”
“Leo – ”
“I just can't tell you, Lex. I'm sorry. Really.”
She made a frustrated noise, glaring at him. Her hand abruptly left him, leaving him terribly cold and annoyed.
“Why can't you tell me?”
“I don't want you to know,” he said sharply, actually achieving it this time.
“Then that's not can't, that's won't.”
Leo sighed at her words, feeling drained from his recent dream and the sudden lack of Lex's touch. He turned away from her as he grabbed the blanket that lay abandoned by his side. “Save your teacher-talk for the morning and go to sleep,” he said, irritated.
“Don't tell me what to do.”
“Don't tell me what to do.”
She threw her hands up, leaning against the bed. “Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have asked.”
“Then why did you?”
Suddenly, she laughed, the noise grudgingly lifting his mood. He turned to face her, only slightly glaring. “What?”
“Well,” she said, giggling, “It's just that you totally don't know this was all your fault. You're so stupid.”
“My – ?”
Then she hugged him, and he was momentarily silenced.
“So just tell me on your own time, yeah? Leonardo?”
He really hated it when she said his name like that, like no one else existed in the world but them.
“Yeah,” he breathed.
All at once, he realized their closeness. He was hyper-aware of where her skin touched his skin, of her gentle breath at his ear, of her heart beating with his. It was warm and familiar yet new and paralyzing. She drew back, but hesitated, her lips so close he could smell the slight tang of her bad breath.
Like he cared.
“Leo – ”
He kissed her, soft, at first, as hesitant as she'd been, but then she responded so instantly and fervently that he soon abandoned all caution as well.
He pushed her to the floor, still warm from when he'd been asleep, and she felt him smile against his lips. After several seconds, she pushed him back slightly. He stopped and raised his head. “What?” he said, panting.
She was breathing heavily as well, still smiling. “On the bed,” she said, “I don't want to do it on the floor.”
He froze. “On the–on the bed?”
“Um, yeah. It doesn't, uh, creak or anything, so we're fine.”
“Right,” he said, feeling stupid. “Right.”
She hesitated. “You...want to do it, right? That's why...”
“I-I don't know,” he said, feeling vaguely stupid. “I wasn't thinking.”
She giggled again and sat up.
“We don't have to if you don't want to.”
He flushed, sitting up as well. “It's just...I've never...”
“You're a virgin?” she said, sounding surprised.
Leo felt himself flush even deeper, and he spluttered out, “Yeah, of course! I've never even...”
“Never even what, Leonardo?”
“I've never even...” he bit his lip but still managed to smile. “You know...kissed anyone.”
Lex let out a shaky laugh. “Oh no. No way.”
“Um...yeah.”
There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other in the small, moonlit room. Then suddenly they were laughing, louder than they should've been, but they couldn't have cared less. They just laughed, because it was all ridiculous: the room, the bed, each other, even the tears streaming down their faces. He had a stitch in his side, she could barely breathe, but neither of them could hold back their ear-splitting smiles.
They eventually found themselves back where they had started: her breathing on the bed and him lying on the floor, each smiling their dopey smiles.
“Leo?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I love you.”
“...Leo?”
“Yeah.”
“I love you.”
“...Lex.”
“Mm...”
“I love you too.”
6.
“How old are you again?”
“That's not fair, Ms. Red. I'm drunk.”
“The world's not fair. You won't tell me?”
“What-what did you say?”
“Tell me how old you are.”
“I...don't know. How old do you think I am?”
“You're so young, I can't tell.”
“I shouldn't be drunk...if they give me a job right now...”
“How dutiful you are. Don't worry, you're with me.”
“But you're with me.”
“Love conquers all.”
“Love...”
“You don't agree?”
“Why would I? … I'm sorry, Ms. Red. I – ”
“You don't have to be sorry. It's a rare treat to see you so honest.”
“I never lie, Ms. Red.”
“And neither do I.”
“Reyna...”
“Yes?”
“Could you – could you just hold me, like this? Just for...a little bit...”
“You don't have to be that convincing.”
“...sorry. I'm sorry. Ms. Red. I...I'm being rude. I didn't mean to...”
“...Here. Come here.”
“Ms. Red – ”
“Please.”
“ … ”
“Don't cry...it's okay...I'm here...”
“I'm sorry...”
“I'm here.”
It was difficult, even now, to face the light of the world. Due to this, Reyna kept odd times of waking and sleeping, something that her son had never ceased to question. But what could she say, really? That she had lived in a world completely different from his own, one filled with never-ending darkness in place of light? Would he believe her?
Looking now at the gray dawn, streaked with swirling pinks and searing yellows, she could hardly believe it herself.
“Mom,” said the boy by her side. He swung the bench slightly, smiling his wide child's grin.
“Yes, Izaia?” Reyna said, smiling herself.
“Have you ever seen a Dark One?”
Reyna looked down at him curiously.
“Why?”
“What do you mean 'why'?”
She laughed lightly. Looking up, she answered, “I don't know. But, yes. I've seen a Dark One before.”
“What do they look like?”
“They...” she trailed off, thinking. Finally, she said, “They look like us.”
Izaia cocked his head thoughtfully, his soft green eyes puzzled. “Jamie told me they look like vampires,” he said, “That they're white as ghosts, and that they're so skinny that they're invisible. He said they have fangs too, but I know they don't have fangs.”
“You're a smart boy, Izaia,” she said, chuckling, “No, they don't have fangs. They have something even more dangerous.”
“Everybody knows that, Mom,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“I don't think I like your attitude,” Reyna chided back, gently enough to let him know she wasn't truly angry.
He pouted anyway. “But it's true,” he said.
Chuckling again, Reyna took him in her arms. The chill of night lingered with his mention of Dark Ones, and she felt, somehow, that she could protect him in this way. By providing warmth and light.
Because that was what this new era was supposed to be about, was it not? The freedom for everyone to bask in light and love?
But the world held a heaviness, different from when it had been cloaked in darkness, but unnerving all the same. It held suffering, debasement, corpses of innocents...those horrors of the old world that they had meant to end. In this new world of light, these callous words were supposed to have disappeared, bringing an unrecognizable, brighter future.
Meant to. Supposed to.
Thinking this in the gray of the rising dawn, Reyna felt that familiar tiredness; the one that pressed into her chest, stinging her eyes.
“Yes,” she found herself muttering to Izaia. “I know.”
He still wondered. As he sat in the bright sunshine of her room, Leo still dreamed and wondered about Will. Was he alive? If so, had he stopped being a scrounger? Leo found himself half-wishing, sometimes, that he hadn't.
Because then Leo could be reassured that Will was still surviving, in some way. Then Leo could hope that they might meet again, just like the last time.
Leo often imagined what they would say to each other, if they ever did happen to meet again. He was sure they would apologize to each other. Or, at least, that Leo would apologize to him. “I'm sorry I left,” he would say, “But I don't know what I would've done if you'd never woken up.”
If Will was still a scrounger, Leo would make sure he quit this time. He would drag him out of the whole thing; literally, if he had to. Leo would also brag about the three years he had managed to live without Will's help. Will would go on about how young and naive Leo was, rolling his eyes as he said “three years”, while trying to conceal the pride in his eyes. But Leo would see. He would know.
Leo often found himself smiling in these moments – a small twist of the lips touched by melancholy. That melancholy would then rise to glitter in his eyes as thoughts of Will traced back into the dark corners of his mind, never failing to stir far away memories. As they lingered, they filled his mouth with the bitter taste of wild mystery soup, and they echoed back to him epic stories of monsters and heroes. They reminded him of laughter deep enough to reach the soul, and they touched memories of warm hands wiping away never-ending tears. They revived within him songs in the chill of dawn, the sweetness of apples after hunger, the richness of beer after thirst, and the pure warmth of fire in the midst of winter wind.
Leo would often bury his head in his knees then, like he did now, hoping that Lex would come home soon to smooth away the fist in his chest, to wash away the thoughts of despair for the future and the tender torment of the past.
Just then, keys started jangling just beyond the door and Leo looked up hopefully, listening as it opened to invite her in.
“How was school today?” he asked, smiling.
The door closed noisily behind her, and Lex blindly threw her bag onto the floor as she sighed.
“That bad?”
He heard her flop onto the squeaky armchair opposite him and sigh again. “No, it's just school,” she said, “No matter what happens, it wears you out.”
Resting his head against the wall, he untangled his hands. “It almost sounds like you're giving up, Lex,” he teased.
Snorting, she said, “You've got it the other way around, Leo.”
“What – ?”
“Anyway!” she interrupted, and the chair creaked as she bounced off of it. He could almost see her radiant smile. “I feel like some fresh air today. Do you wanna join me?”
Leo rolled his eyes at her. “Go enjoy getting burnt to a crisp by yourself,” he said wearily, hugging his knees again.
Lex walked over to sit by him, and he could feel her shroud of calm like a tangible force. Touching his arm, she said, “It's too nice a day to go out by myself, Leo.”
“What, are you gonna put me to sleep and drag me out?” he said, failing to sigh as he would have liked. With the steady stream of her lightness now crawling into him, it was near impossible to feel true annoyance.
“I got it under control,” she said.
He could hear that mischievous smile.
After a short pause, he finally gave up and gave her his own.
“Fine,” he said, trying, and failing, to sound irritated. “Have it your way.”
She let out a triumphant laugh and pulled him up to his feet.
“You won't regret it, I promise,” she said loudly, dragging him over to the door.
Yeah right, he thought.
The door opened, and for the first time, Leo found himself on the other side at its close. He had a vague view of a hallway in the late afternoon shadows, and he remembered the first time he had traveled down this short yet richly carpeted place, Lex's grip firm on his wrist. He had had the same thought then as he did now.
Light Ones.
Not allowing him even one second's worth of reprieve, Lex quickly guided him down a flight of stairs, on which he stumbled more often than he thought normal. Then in just a few strides, he was out the doors.
Leo gasped. The air felt different – freer, and although he would never have thought it possible, he suddenly found that he had actually missed the warmth of real sunshine beaming on his skin. Leo could not help the smile that spread across his face as he felt this, and Lex's laughter rang out beside him. “See?” she said, “What did I tell you.”
She led him down some more steps, his arm linked with hers. After the initial rush of fresh air, wariness eventually begin to creep up, tensing at the sheer openness of the day-lit outdoors. He became intensely aware of the fact that he was a Dark One amidst a horde of Light Ones. Of course, he had been in the same situation for nearly two months now, but before this moment it had always been within the safety of Lex's room.
Leo waited anxiously for the suspicious whispers, the crawling feel of glares, the shouts of accusation that he was sure could only be seconds away. Then officials would be called, he would be carried away for execution – Lex for questioning....if some Dark One wasn't hidden in the midst of this sunny school town and had not already noticed him, had not already reported his existence and sold the information off to hungry scroungers –
Lex took his hand. Immediately, Leo lost his train of thought as the tension that had been slowly gathering in his body abruptly and completely left him. Leo didn't comment, but gently squeezed her hand in gratitude.
“So nothing happened at school today?” he asked, smiling now.
Swinging their hands, she replied, “We had another stupid assembly today, so not much learning was done. One teacher did try to give us a pop quiz, which was so unfair that half the class refused to take it. I mean, it's common courtesy, right? 'School assembly' is just one way to say 'no school'. Teachers are obligated by the laws of manners not to teach us anything at all.”
“So you didn't take the test,” Leo summed up.
“Of course not!” Lex exclaimed, “The day common courtesy goes out the window is the day all hope for humanity is lost, Leonardo! It's good that so many people sided with me though, or she wouldn't have rescheduled the quiz for tomorrow.”
“That's stupid,” Leo said, “If you guys know when it is, it's not a pop quiz.”
“I know, this is one of those exceptions I told you about, Leo,” she said giggling, “Teachers are too proud to strip the holy title of 'pop' from a quiz even though it clearly doesn't deserve the name.”
Leo found himself giggling with her, though he stopped abruptly once he realized. “You know,” he said, trying to cover up his reaction, “I'd never have guessed that this was what school was actually like.”
“It's not so bad,” she said softly, “For some people.”
“Back then,” Leo mused, “I didn't know anything about it. It's not like anyone had ever actually went. I'd only heard that it was something that every Light One did, so, you know, of course I wondered what it was like. Some people thought it was for brainwashing...to train Light children to kill Dark Ones or something.” He snorted softly.
“Well, it makes sense, don't it?” said the dark, hulking man as he patiently licked the grease off of his fingers. “Why else do you think those damned Light Ones are so fucking crazy?”
“Because they have the Mad Clowns ruling over them,” Leo piped up, rolling his eyes.”Duh.”
“Yeah,” said Mittens from his left, “What more brainwashing do those motherfuckers need?”
Selena laughed before the man, Rob, could retort. “Well this is new. You and Leo are of the same mind, for once.”
“I'm nothing like Mittens,” Leo said immediately, scowling.
“Don't call me Mittens!”
“Then think up something new to throw at people,” Leo sneered.
“I don't know about killing, but we do learn a lot about Dark Ones,” Lex replied thoughtfully. “We could join forces and become collectors.” Leo could feel the sly glance she cast him as she said those words.
He wouldn't bite. “Nothing in this world could make me become a scrounger,” Leo said.
“Well, only a select few Light Ones know how to fight,” Will cut in calmly, completely ignoring Leo and Mittens. “Since their specialty is healing. I think that invalidates your theory, Rob.”
Rob spat at him. “Don't go smart-mouthing me, boy. You don't know shit.”
Leo disengaged from his ongoing argument with Mittens to round on Rob. “Well, you're a shoe-shining beggar!” he shouted, standing up, “Why should Will know anything about pieces of shit like you?”
Rob shot up lightening-fast, towering over Leo. “What you say to me, boy?!” he boomed.
“What,” Leo sneered, refusing to back down, “The nice Light Ones never taught you how to speak English? Or are you just that stupid?”
“That's a shame,” Lex replied, sighing. “We could've been the perfect team.”
“Stop it,” Leo said sharply, his tone harsh for being under her influence. “Don't joke about stuff like that, Lex.”
A pulse of warmth went through him, and he relaxed as she said, “Sorry, Leo. I just wanted to know if you'd been brooding about Will again.”
“I know,” he said automatically, smiling now, “I know. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just get scared sometimes, when you want to talk about stuff like that. It's not something someone like you should know, you know? I don't want you to know. But you're right, I was thinking about Will, which is scary, cuz how could you know something like that?”
“Relax,” Oscar interrupted sharply, standing up as well to place a steady hand on Rob. “He's just a kid. He didn't mean it.”
Leo opened his mouth angrily to say that, oh yes, he had meant it, but Will took his hand, pulling him back. Leo turned back to look at him, furious that he wouldn't defend himself, but Will just gave him a sharp glare. No.
“He called me a fucking shoe-shiner, for fuck's sake!” Rob yelled, though he did nothing else. After a brief glance at Will, Leo wrenched his hand out of his before muttering, “I don't know what it means, Rob. I didn't think it was that bad. Sorry.”
Leo laughed comfortably, saying, “And sometimes, it feels like you know everything about me, which is scary, but it's also okay sometimes because then I can tell you things, and talk to you, and not be scared that you'll run away or abandon me or kill me, or something, just because I'm me.”
“That kid ain't sorry for shit,” Mittens said casually. “Do us all a favor and just kill him, Rob.”
Leo turned to smile at him. “Why don't you get off your lazy ass and do it yourself, Mittens?” he said.
“You - !”
“Everybody calm down,” Oscar said steadily, his voiced raised in command. “Miles,” he said, looking at Mittens, “You've had a long day, and I've appreciated your help. Now please shut up and get some sleep.” Then turning to Rob, he muttered, “The kid said sorry. Let's just let it go for now, yeah? I'll talk to him later.”
Both Mittens and Rob glared at Leo before storming away in varying levels of anger. The remaining four sat back down around the fire, breathing a deep sigh of relief.
Everyone, that is, except for Leo. Although he conceded to sit back down, he still held a scowl on his face. “I have a name now, you know,” Leo snapped at Oscar, “Stop calling me 'the kid'.”
“You know Leonardo's not even my real name? I don't remember my first name, though, so I guess that doesn't count. I'm so weird, right? I'm so different, and strange, but you're here so it's okay...but that's why I don't tell you things, you know, when you ask me stuff, and when you look at me with those eyes, and it's annoying sometimes when you keep asking – ”
“I know,” she said suddenly, interrupting, “I know, Leonardo. The world's not fair.” She rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand, and a tingling feeling abruptly penetrated his calm haze. “But I'm here for you.”
The deep calm slowly retreated. Suddenly, a beat of intense fear raced through him, and Leo immediately ripped his hand out of Lex's.
“You said you had it,” Leo muttered accusingly.
Noticing his awareness, Lex gave him an apologetic smile. “Sorry,” she said.
“I know what your name is, Leo,” Oscar said, his voice just as biting. “But if you keep acting like a kid then you leave me no choice but to call you one.”
“How am I acting like a kid?!” Leo yelped, feeling stung. To his surprise, everyone around the circle started chuckling, and then laughing as he stared at them in increasing bewilderment and irritation.
“What?” he kept on asking. “What's so funny?!”
Leo hated it when she lost control like that, and Lex knew that he hated it. In those times, he felt like his very self was leaking out of him, forcing him to envision a day when she would lose all control, making a shell out of him as she scattered his being into the air. He always felt a cold chill at the thought, just as he did now. How could he have allowed someone to have so much power over him? How could he still allow it?
Although it hurt her, he couldn't help but keep his distance. “You don't sound sorry,” he muttered under his breath.
“I- I think you answered your own question, Leo,” Will suddenly wheezed, clutching his stomach as he laughed.
If she had heard him, she made no reply.
7.
“How are you feeling?”
“ … Fine.”
Silence. “Good. … I was worried.”
“Were you, Ms. Red. I'm sorry.”
“You have good friends, did you know that?”
“What?”
“That healer. He flatly refused my request to see you. Me. … He said you needed to rest a bit longer before we could meet again.”
“ … I wondered.”
“Are you surprised?”
“No. Not really.”
“He took good care of you. I can barely even tell...”
“Healers heal us, Ms. Red. It's what they do.”
“They're not required to care.”
“It's more work for them if I was injured right after a healing.”
“Yes...you're right. After all, that's how we all act, isn't it? It's the only way we can keep sane in this kind of world.”
“There's no way anyone can stay sane in this kind of world.”
“I have to disagree.”
“Of course. I'm sorry, Ms. Red. I spoke without thinking.”
“I forgive you. But it's a hard thing, seeing someone so disdainful of my creation.”
“You seem disdainful yourself, Ms. Red. Sometimes.”
“ … I do, don't I? I hope it doesn't mean that I am.”
“I don't know.”
“Life would be much too simple if you did know, wouldn't it. But maybe it's better this way...I'm too old, now, to act on regrets.”
“The world is too large to change.”
“Ha, you think so? I've seen the world change, and drastically at that. No...it's not the world, not really. It's the people. There are simply too many, each with stubborn minds and fickle hearts, each paving forward relentlessly into chaos. And what can any of us do against something like that? What can I do? I can change the world. I've changed the world. But here we still are.”
“I'm sorry, Ms. Red.”
“I guess...I am too.”